Saturday, June 11, 2011
The heart makes no sense, nope, it does not. This is the reason I've never exactly trusted my own heart, nor have I been inclined to trust the hearts of others. Not that I trust my mind either - holy God, my mind is a crazed storyteller weaving the most bizarre tales at times.
My mantra used to be, the body never lies. OK I still believe that, but ... what the body conveys has to be translated in some way or another, otherwise it's just sensation. Itches, goosebumps, sneezes, pleasure, hunger ... these are truths, they are, but - a goosebump might be about cold, or fear, or excitement, thrills. It might point to the presence of ghosts (often does) - or not. It might signal an impending thunderstorm or revelation, or be a symptom of arousal at the sight of great beauty or when encountering a beloved. A goosebump can mean so many things! The ground-level truths of the body, in order to be useful, require interpretation. This is what medical diagnosis is all about. How sad that within that realm, every sensation becomes pathology! I could write a whole post about that tragedy.
But today I'm thinking about my heart, softening as it is, around love. One of the great revelations about this transformation is that by softening, I am learning to trust my heart, really for the first time in my life. A heart committed to remaining tough can't be trusted unless I want to be a terrible cynic - believe you me, I do NOT. Also a heart that can't tolerate love (hence the body buckles under its influence) certainly is too overwhelmed to be trusted.
Opening to my heart's authentic expression means that when I get a goosebump (for instance) I can drop down into my heartspace to see how I'm feeling. Usually I go straight to my very very very busy headspace. I honor my brain; it works very well, though of course I get sidetracked easily or head off in the wrong direction, but continue to amass "evidence" to support my intricate theories du jour. Creating interpretations based only on body and mind leaves out entirely my emotional state of the moment. No wonder I've talked myself into so many unfortunate situations. I'm thinking right at this moment about my marriage. It looked great on paper, but ... well ... 'nuff said about that!
Now I'm discovering the three-fold harmony of mind/heart/body. This is a genuinely awesome process, a miracle, really. I was thinking about it last night as I walked home from work. When the thought came to me that this moment is truly miraculous, I looked up in the sky et voila - there was "God." (See pic above.) I am so on the right track at the moment. I'll never forget this summer, never.
With gratitude and awe, Shabbat Shalom, y'all!