Sunday, June 12, 2011
Opening, remembering, releasing - oh yeah!
All weekend my attention has been split between life here in Washington DC, and what's transpiring in Kansas City, Missouri, where my high school reunion is ongoing. Though my friends promised they would keep me updated, of course they haven't. It's a good sign that they're having way too much fun to text or post on Facebook. No news is good news. Sweet.
Part of this practice I've been calling "softening" but have decided to call "opening" involves a lot of memories rising to the surface. Often, at least for me, memories can be painful, such as when I remember the day Jake died. Ouch. Sometimes memories fill me with longing - you know - for "the good old days," whatever that means. I'm not the only one who romanticizes the past, eh? At other moments, I remember with a sense of remorse, a "Why oh why didn't I ... fill in the blank."
When I'm meditating I notice that the pattern of my thoughts usually shapes itself around planning. I tend to get caught up in stories about what I'm going to do as soon as I stop meditating, or what I'll make for dinner, who is coming for bodywork, when I'll water the garden, etc. Planning is the snare my mind gets caught in most often. I prefer to look forward rather than backwards, maybe because most of my memories involve some degree of discomfort or unhappiness.
The quality and texture of memory right now is drastically different than what I usually experience when I reminisce. It's as if these recollections are being presented to me to be blessed and released. It's really interesting. As memories arise from every era of my life, I am smiling, touching them lightly with my consciousness, then letting go, moving on. It's all water under the bridge now.
It's a graceful moment for me. I assume at some point I'll start flopping around again, but man oh man I am enjoying this time of opening. I'm floating in it, I'm breathing it in. It is so beautiful. Happy Sunday!