All weekend my attention has been split between life here in Washington DC, and what's transpiring in Kansas City, Missouri, where my high school reunion is ongoing. Though my friends promised they would keep me updated, of course they haven't. It's a good sign that they're having way too much fun to text or post on Facebook. No news is good news. Sweet.
Part of this practice I've been calling "softening" but have decided to call "opening" involves a lot of memories rising to the surface. Often, at least for me, memories can be painful, such as when I remember the day Jake died. Ouch. Sometimes memories fill me with longing - you know - for "the good old days," whatever that means. I'm not the only one who romanticizes the past, eh? At other moments, I remember with a sense of remorse, a "Why oh why didn't I ... fill in the blank."
When I'm meditating I notice that the pattern of my thoughts usually shapes itself around planning. I tend to get caught up in stories about what I'm going to do as soon as I stop meditating, or what I'll make for dinner, who is coming for bodywork, when I'll water the garden, etc. Planning is the snare my mind gets caught in most often. I prefer to look forward rather than backwards, maybe because most of my memories involve some degree of discomfort or unhappiness.
The quality and texture of memory right now is drastically different than what I usually experience when I reminisce. It's as if these recollections are being presented to me to be blessed and released. It's really interesting. As memories arise from every era of my life, I am smiling, touching them lightly with my consciousness, then letting go, moving on. It's all water under the bridge now.
It's a graceful moment for me. I assume at some point I'll start flopping around again, but man oh man I am enjoying this time of opening. I'm floating in it, I'm breathing it in. It is so beautiful. Happy Sunday!
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“Eventually, all things merge into one, and a river runs through it. The river was cut by the world's great flood and runs over rocks from the basement of time. On some of the rocks are timeless raindrops. Under the rocks are the words, and some of the words are theirs. I am haunted by waters.” Norman MacLean
A lot of people love this quote...I live it, in ways that either I cannot explain or that are just too damned painful to explain. Your words moved me this morning, the moon drawing the tide to her, and offered me hope that there can come a time of letting go.
It's harder for you Scorps to let go, but when you can, nothing is better. Truly, nothing. Believe me.
Remember, too, we're in the midst of an eclipse cycle. All that focused gravity, all the dragons of change, are really playing with all of us.
xx
You seem to be in a good place. I am happy for you. I just read your comment to Linthead about scorpios not letting go. I am a scorpio but so much of their traits do not apply to me. There must have been some other influences going on when I was born. Anyway, sending you my love.
There's a saying that you have to heal the past to go to the future...or something like that. Flashes of memory (which I've been having almost daily) are meant to be recalled and released with love, whatever the emotion felt at the time or upon remembering. Life is like love, to be experienced, cherished, remembered. Then one goes onto the next step. All things go back to source, Reya. And you're doing just fine.
Thanks Barbara. So you're receiving memories to be blessed and released also??
Gary you are so Scorpionic!! Honey!! In the best possible way.
You too Michael.
reya!! a row of beautifully painted toes and then outwards across bricks and up into the mirrorland world of upside down you and the same red on the nose of the car as is on the toes of right-side up you!! such a nice moebius strip!!! it's a very cool, privileged, experience to experience the unfolding of you this way. i'm grateful to you for your generousity of spirit in sharing this intimate and magical process. my heart fills with good wishes for you when i read these words you've shared in the past week. love and be loved steven
I've only been to one of my high school reunions, but I was so pleasantly surprised that people were much more kind and generous than I remembered them being. I assume this gets better and better as we age and mellow (and wise up?)?
Bee - that's what I'm hearing from friends who attended. I love that!
Steven is it magical? Is it intimate? What I'm experiencing feels absolutely human to me, something that is accessible to all. Glad it seems generous, and thank you for rejoicing with me. You are such a good friend.
I've been enjoying reading about this process you are going through and the flow of memories that accompany it because I've recently been flooded with a lot of old memories as well, for no particular reason that I can think of.
And I'm happy to see that your reflective car photos are being featured a bit more now than they have in quite a while. They show so much.
Thanks, Cyndy. So - you, too? Several of my facebook friends are also being flooded with memories. It's so interesting!
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