Next weekend is my high school reunion in Kansas City. I will not be attending, but I'm excited especially for the friends with whom I've reconnected on Facebook. It sounds like it will be a lot of fun.
The energy of gathering is very powerful. Just this week I've "coincidentally" heard from people I haven't seen in a long time, people I was once close with in many different circles, folks from many different chapters of my life. This past week, I've also met (in "real" life) with a blog friend/sister as well as a Facebook friend, both of whom were visiting DC for reasons of their own. It's so interesting, the timing of these surprise reconnections. I love synchronicities, and, too, hearing from all these previously long-lost friends cheers my heart and mind. My capacity for love is far greater than I normally give myself credit for! That is a GOOD thing!
Last night I dreamed I was attending a different kind of reunion, a banquet my mother was hosting for all who have died in the Afghanistan and Iraqi wars, "including the civilians!" she kept saying over and over again. She wanted everyone to know this was not only for American troops. That is so characteristic of my mother's point of view, it felt quite real. My father was there, talking about the trials and tribulations of being a middle child with me. In the dream he had forgotten that I was his middle child. (He was the middle child in his family, too.) It was a very loving reunion.
Jake was there in the dream, too, healthy, powerful, and doing the best he could to get along with all the people. He ran loops around the gathering crowds, joyful and enthusiastic. He only snarled a couple of times, once at someone mowing the lawn, once at another dog (very true to his nature). Eventually I convinced him it was time to go inside for dinner.
At the end of the dream I realized I was on a cargo plane, coming in for a landing in Washington DC. The landing was one of those perfect experiences when you can barely feel the wheels touching down. The crowd burst into applause after which I woke up. Within seconds I burst into tears - I was sad but also felt an upwelling of deep seated joy. My parents were such characters! And ... damn I STILL miss my dog so much.
Maybe I don't give myself credit for being as deeply loving as I actually am because it's so hard when loved ones die or slip away. I also harbor a sneaking suspicion that I believe it isn't cool to love so passionately - and my ego is VERY invested in being cool. For heaven's sake. This morning I'm at ease with my capacity for deep, enduring heart connections. That capacity is quite expansive! It's kind of miraculous, really.
With gratitude to every being I love and have loved. Y'all know who you are! Happy Sunday.
Cool shadow pattern on the floor of the East Wing of the National Gallery.
14 comments:
It IS cool to love! Widening the circle of love so it becomes more inclusive of all and everything that is the coolest cool.
the triangles of sunlight echo the triangles in the marble floor.
I wonder if I do, love deeply that is. I have and it is usually accompanied by misery. I would tend to lose myself so I have learned to keep a layer of detachment. Oddly enough, I think that layer of detachment allowed me to spread out and love more. does that make sense?
"it's so hard when loved ones die or slip away"
and yet you join them in dreams. they can't have gone too far.
ellen's comment rang true of me as well. that layer of detachment doesn't mean one doesn't love deeply. it means one has also learned to love one's self.
I've been to many of my h.s. reunions. They were all a blast until the last one, the 40th. The people I wanted to see didn't attend. My close friend & I had flown in from the East Coast to go so we roomed together. We barely recognized those who did go! We laughed & left early.
Interestingly enough I have been having frequent reoccuring dreams of people that have passed away. I am trying to figure out if there is a message (from them or the dreams) that I am supposed to get by it all doesn't make sense and seems not related. But I smile when I think of them.
I have a reunion coming up as well, the last time the people I was looking forward to seeing didn't make it either, seems like their parents showed up instead. How did time fast forward so quickly?
nice post today.
I love having dreams where I reconnect with people, animals or even things from my past. It seems like such a gift to be revisited that way, and it's encouraging to know that my brain preserves so many details -- even those I can't consciously recall.
Sorry you won't make it up to NYC, Reya, but I'll see you soon on the other side of the pond, hopefully! :)
Reya, you are loved deeply and uncondionally... As we know you love us! Happy Sunday to you too!!!
reya it's interesting you should post this because for the past few weeks, the stages of my past have been speaking to me. i think it came from a comment i made to a student about leaving all my friends in grades 3, 6, 9 and 13. then again at the end of university. then again when my first wife and i went in different directions. at each stage, intense and devoted connections were created and maintained and then poof! gone. permanently gone. the only person friend i know anything about from my past is the first girl i fell in love with. she went to the same school as i in england( first form ... sort of grade one). her name was rejeanne. she became a professional ballerina. i loved her face and her hair and especially her eyes! steven
These comments are incredibly helpful. Wow.
I, too, have tended to lose myself when I love "too much" (whatever that means). Losing oneself is definitely NOT cool, but Dan, as usual, is correct that being able to love wholeheartedly IS cool. Yeah.
So I've been contemplating what it means to lose myself - I have a lot to say about that so may save most of my thoughts for another post, but what came to me this afternoon is that losing myself involves getting caught up in wanting the object of my affection to love me, rather than simply letting the love I'm feeling flow good and strong.
Not saying this is true for anyone else, but for me, losing myself had more to do with a terrible lack of self-esteem than anything else.
Really GREAT, provocative comments - thank you!
One woman, I too look for messages from my dreams. Sometimes my ideas resonate, other times they do not. Last night I really felt I was making contact. Who knows if that's "true."
Steven, I, too, have cut loose a number of times from everyone in my circle. Some of my friends, though, are so tenacious, holding me in their hearts, keeping track of me. Blows my mind.
I've been away for a few days, but have caught up on your beautiful posts from the last week. The golden thread running through them shines with beauty.
Life is short. Life is sweet. Love is constant.
What a dear friend you are.
As are you, Jo!
We never get over the love of our animals or people. It makes us sad to be suddenly thrust into a remembrance whether while awake or asleep, but it is wonderful that we can remember those we love.
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