I'm still thinking about this article from last week's New Yorker, about G. Stanley Hall and the study of old age. One of the ideas from the article continues to provoke and intrigue me: that old age catches us all by surprise because no one can survive it, no one can look back on it and reflect upon it.
In a perfect world, we would embrace old age, claim it, take it on. If we could do that, rather than feel ashamed, we could reflect on it in the moment. Maybe we could then write or teach something USEFUL to those who haven't yet become old. Ya think?
In societies in which there are very few people who survive to old age, old people are revered. In societies such as the U.S. in the 21st century, in which there are tons of old people, they are reviled.
Am I old? I'm 58. One hundred years ago I would have been considered well on my way into old age; the average life span in the U.S. was 50. In the year 2011, women in my society live into their 80's, men into their late 70's, on average, which I guess makes me a late middle-ager. I guess.
I'm supposed to be proud that I don't have very many wrinkles, but why would I be proud of that? It's genetic, I didn't do anything noble to have smooth skin, just as I didn't do anything wrong by aging. I just haven't died yet. Why is that so disgusting?
I love my gray hair which is why I'm always surprised and mildly insulted when people hint about how young I could look if I went back to coloring it. I could get away with claiming I'm ten years younger than my actual age. Wink, wink. It's so weird.
Every time I try to claim old age, someone tells me I think and behave like a young person. I'll admit I want to admonish my friends who do that generational thing of rejecting technology and such, which proves that I buy in, on some level, to the idea that thinking like an old person is "bad."
So what should I do? Should I refuse to claim old age until I'm so decrepit that I can no longer reflect on it, write about it? Is it wrong to prematurely claim old age, try to get a jump on it? What age is old age? Can someone please explain?
It's going to be warm in DC today. I plan to take a long walk, snap some pics, and ponder all these impossible questions. Happy Thursday. Shalom.
25 comments:
I am five years older than you but still don`t feel old, and fragile and senile, or whatever is connected with that term. I do feel older, though, and I mean wiser by that, more contemplative, more forgiving, less shocked by human behavior, much more understanding than I used to be. I consider that a great gain. Okay, my body is not as agile as it used to be, but I can still run and dance. My mind is still working, and I can learn new things. And I surprise my students by explaining them the French grammar which I have learned 50 years ago. So what is frightening in old age? Yes, that death is coming nearer. Only that is not proven! When you say, people used to live up to fifty, on average, it means many even turned eighty, and many died young! Statistically average. Today not so many die young.
No no, growing older is FUN! I thoroughly enjoy it, and one day I`ll die. That`s okay with me.
But not now!
what Angela said.
I don't really think about it, about aging I mean. I'm too busy living my life and at 60, I don't feel much diminished. Not quite as energetic as I used to be. Now I just walk around instead of dashing. My 80 something neighbors are old but Frank is still out there every day doing stuff. climbing on his roof to make repairs. I think he gets some one to use the tiller in the garden for him twice a year now though.
Your mind is definitely still running like a smooth machine, Angela. And I say as long as you can still dance, all is well with the body.
I am not at all afraid to die. I've been with people when they passed; there's always such a beautiful feeling in the room at that moment (I'm talking here about old people and very sick people, not stupid deaths like accidental deaths or murders).
It's all the stuff that leads to dying that scares me. But death? Whenever it comes, it'll be such a trip!
Ellen you are mighty. You make beautiful things, wrangle your grandkids, go back and forth from city to country and tend your gardens - of course you don't have time to think about it - or maybe it isn't your nature.
I'm a thinker; it's who I am. A few decades ago I might have been ashamed to admit it but one of the great liberating aspects of aging is I am no longer ashamed of who I am.
I yam what I yam - a thinker. Oh yeah.
I'm only 44 but I see so many of my friends fighting aging with all they've got and I just don't understand it either. It IS like our society thinks age is disgusting, yes you've touched on something. I like getting older, the wisdom that is slowly starting to seep in is wonderful.
When I was a little girl, I spent much of my time around relatives in their seventies and eighties, and I noticed that they were the only adults around who seemed to be having fun. Of course, I wanted to be an old lady when I grew up.
Mother Jones is my role model. She didn't start her union work until she was in her fifties, and she dressed like an old lady and exaggerated her age--she was probably 83 when she celebrated her 100th birthday.
I've always thought that 'old' is more a state of mind than anything else.
Becoming set in your ways and too rigid in your thinking is much more comfortable, to be sure, but as long as I can still be surprised by learning something new or looking at something in a different way, I'll never feel old.
I'm much happier now than I was in my 20's and contentment reigns most days.
I don't fear death either. I'm sure it's going to be another adventure...I'm very curious about it.
I do worry somewhat about the degeneration of my body as I age - especially because I don't care for it like I should. It's my own fault (well, arthritis is probably NOT my fault, but how I handle it is). And I still have the big M to go through, but otherwise I'm so much more comfortable with my SELF now.
Age thing for women is also a cultural thing- rather LACK of culture...USA is the worst! Little wonder that we become cranky...
Everybody wants to live long, but few like the result ...
I had this almost romantic image of wise and respected elderly (old) people ... which keeps fading away more and more, only surviving in fary tales.
And yet, if we keep our sense of humour, I feel we can stay young at heart. I'm a great believer in sense of humour. My colleagues and I whine sometimes about this pain and that until we start joking about it, after all, after 40, at least one thing must hurt every morning when you wake up, otherwise you might think you're dead!
When is it okay to be old? Never really, but we don't have a say in it. Besides, if we worry about it, we age faster, so what's the point?
All these thoughts are so great! Thank you.
Bug, menopause is a bitch, however you can blame every bad mood on it, for - like - ten years, if you want.
Minka I do have more physical aches and pains as I age, but far fewer emotional/mental aches. It's a fair trade!
That's what I call positive thinking! Goes very well together with sense of humour! You're great!
make sure you take your senior discount at the coffee shop!
do they give that in the cantina?
Thanks, Minka!
Tom! Ha!! Half off margaritas for senior citizens? They SHOULD!
I'm turning 60 this year and it is a daunting number. I think the saying of it, out loud, is almost impossible but, I'm managing. It takes people by surprise and they do not hide it. Most look at me as if I've told them I have cancer: with shock and pity. I don't look my age and God knows I don't act my age but I sure FEEL my age. The aches & pains are there.
My three best friends and I are going to celebrate our mutual 60th in New Orleans in October. We've book two adjoining suites at the Windsor Court & will spend 3 nights & 4 days bopping around that beautiful old city. They've never been and I've been thrice. I love it and the food is the best. Something to look forward to...in my new old age.
Why are all you YOUNG people worried about old age????? I'm eighty and I'm having the time of my life. Yet I distinctly remember feeling old at fifty! Just think! I'd still got thirty years to go and I was worrying!
Maybe I'm lucky in that I DON'T feel looked-down-upon by society! You'd better all move to Australia!
Rock on, Rinkly! Yeah!
I think, with the sheer number of people in their 50s and 60s and so on, the relationship with aging is on the verge of changing. Here's the chance to begin to revere those who've reached a certain age and appreciate the wisdom and experience they have to offer.
Off on a slight tangent, my partner has a theory that the reason so much of our culture holds up the teens and the 20's as the perfect time of life that we are all supposed to emulate (both before and after we enter or leave that stage) is because these people generally have lots of disposable income (because of few responsibilties) and very little life experience. Therefore they're great fodder for the consumerist lifestyle and easily manipulated by the advertising industry.
Older people in our culture on the other hand are at best ignored and at worst reviled. Unlike the teens/20's they have seen all the advertising tricks before and are generally less easily manipulated, so they spend their money thoughtfully and are not conned by fads.
In a society based on capitalism, the ideal citizen is one who spends freely on what s/he is told to. Not the citizen who thinks first and perhaps has little disposable income to start with.
I'm not saying it's the only reason youth is worshipped and old age is denigrated, but I do think it feeds into that dynamic.
Culturally, I agree with Moonroot. But, I was always told I was "born old" so I suppose now that I've officially become a senior citizen (I just got my medicare card in the mail), I can assume I'm only going to become younger ;)
But Moonroot, old people (at least in the U.S.) are often the target of many different kinds of advertising schemes in which they are convinced to give all their money away. I'm not sure that gullability is an age-centered experience.
I think teens and 20 somethings are at the peak of juiciness. I think we are drawn to that time because it's the best time to procreate, and therefore continue the species.
I think it's instinctual.
After reading Rinkly's comment, I feel like a complainer and I shouldn't be. After all, I have my health, a good job and like Stuart Smalley always says,
"I'm good enough, I'm smart enough and, doggone it, people like me!"
I LOVE Stuart Smalley!!
There is a saying that goes " Life starts at 40". It's not about the age that matters but the one that matters really is the appearance and attitudes. Many people who are still in the mid forties looks they are now on their fifties. And most especially is the attitudes of a person. free for an adult based webcam
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