Monday, March 7, 2011
From the inside out
It's field trip season in Washington DC. I do NOT miss being a teenager. No way!
Over the holiday season, I mistreated my poor, valiant, noble body. I worked too much, didn't stretch enough, ate too much, didn't receive bodywork often enough. All that stupid negligence injured my shoulder. I could feel something bad was going on, but I just kept pushing pushing pushing without seeking treatments to help me heal. Some days it manifested as a terrible stiff neck, other days my shoulder hurt, sometimes both. I kept ignoring it until I was in so much pain I finally broke down and went to see the osteopath.
That was a few weeks ago. Since that first visit I've been diligent about getting top notch therapeutic massage and osteopathic treatment. I've been walking around more, remembering to stretch between sessions at work.
I've also been taking internal arnica, that homeopathic stuff I usually use in the form of a creme or gel smoothed over sore, stiff muscles. When I place the arnica tabs under my tongue, I imagine its essence finding its way into the heart of the injury (wherever that is) and subsequently working its way out to the surface. My mantra is from the inside out.
The arnica has pushed not only the deepest essence of the injury out to the surface, but also a rather monumental cache of emotional injuries I have unconsciously (and inadvertently) stored at the deepest levels of my skeletal structure. Old grudges I've held (without even knowing about them) have arisen into consciousness, people I've been pissed at for years have appeared in dreams and visions, seemingly from out of the nowhere.
I'm a bodyworker so I should know better than to ignore physical pain, yes? I say yes. But sometimes humans ignore pain, I'm not the first and I won't be the last. We always have our reasons, don't we? In working through the healing process, perhaps we are able to access wounds on many levels, as I am at this moment. I'm unclear I would have known there was so much submerged grudginess if I hadn't ignored my shoulder for so long.
I am impatient with clients who don't attend to their pain, but I'm thinking I've been wrong to insist they address what's going on as soon as possible. Maybe they, too, are working through something so deeply ingrained that there's no other way to heal it than to just hurt for awhile.
My shoulder is much better, and I am experiencing forgiveness at a profound level as well. All I can say is: wow.