Sometimes I miss Jake so much. That dog.
No creature has ever been so devoted to me, never, not ever, the way Jake was. Of course in friendship it would be unhealthy to experience that kind of blind devotion, and while a touch of serious devotion in romance could have been wonderful, (I guess) I never experienced it. I always chose romantic partners who were either so self-involved that they believed my role was to prop them up and/or heal them, or the kind of folks who shared my intimacy issues, hence neither one of us wanted serious closeness.
Do I miss having a dog? No I do not miss picking up poop, vacuuming bushels of dog hair, inspecting every inch of an animal body for ticks. I don't miss the worry I experienced any time I tried to diagnose spells of malaise. I don't miss trips to the vet, the smell of dog food, breaking up dog fights. Nope. It's not about any old dog.
This recurring sense of loss is personal. I miss Jake. It'll be OK, I'll move forward again; I always do. Damn sometimes I miss that dog so much! Sheesh.
15 comments:
you learned so much from jake and because you're a generous soul who hands on whatever gifts come her way, so did everyone else who passed through whatever form of relationship they had with you. it'd be nice to park jake somewhere for an interview. man i'd have a whole heap of questions for that guy! steven
Thanks for making me smile, Steven.
I love that star; so right.
Sometimes there's just that one soul...I know I will feel the same way someday when Cody's number is up.
there are animals that enter our lives that are so profoundly special - our shared life with them will stay with us forever..... my 'jake' was a cat named jean-paul who i had from 1976 - 1990 - who seemed more dog than cat - and had an intelligence that was mind-blowing - perhaps naming him in honor of sartre was prescient!
hugs
I can relate to the mixed emotions you express. After 18 years we are dogless and it is heartbreaking with an emptiness that bounces off the walls. I find myself realizing how many habits I had in place that I did without thinking such as checking/refreshing the water bowl before leaving the house, carefully walking in certain areas where she used to sleep, going to open the back door and call her to go out at certain times. etc. I would love to get another dog but right now I can't really think about it because I want MY dog. I want her, the one I just lost. Sigh.
I get you -- I have the same mix of emotions about my now-other-worldly-dog Latte.
I so get this- our pets become more than we ever dream they will when we say "yes".
This kind of sad, sweet ache never completely goes away, does it. An indelible paw print on your soul.
I'm sure Jake misses you too. He's still in your heart and probably always will be. Sometimes I get a feeling about my Ted, like he's still here even though he's not. It makes me yearn for him sometimes after months of being perfectly happy to not have a cat anymore.
I keep thinking I want a dog, but all the things you don't miss? I don't really want to mess with either. But then there's that devotion...
I'm glad you were able to experience it with Jake.
He sounds like a great friend and companion. Smart, strong, funny protective and unique.
Of course you miss him. The grief process has no appointed end.
That's as it should be. ♥
An indelible paw print on your soul.
Yeah. Jake was the one.
so so hard to be at peace with losing a pet. i don't think one ever truly gets over it because of the void. my beautiful cat Maggie has been gone 15 mos now and we still think we see her just slipping round a corner. more interesting is the ache we feel towards some of our long gone dogs, one of whom died in 1974. i'm still going with the promise my father made me when i was little: there's a dog (pet) heaven.
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