Sunday, July 19, 2009
Up and Down
Grieving is awkward. It lurches forward, then falls on its face, takes a nap, but then it comes back to bite you in the butt. It's not graceful.
Brand new grief is almost luminous in a way; awkward but shiny. It strips off the skin and leaves a person so open and vulnerable, it's almost glamorous. After the first bit of time passes, grief loses it luster. It gets crusty and annoying to the griever as well as to everyone else.
I miss my dog. I do. I'm not crying all the time anymore; I'm no longer a wreck. I've been able to come up for air and realize this life changing event will most likely yield great benefits at some point in time. No one needs to reassure me of that anymore; I'm OK, really. But.
Jake was not a good dog, but damn he had character. When he was younger, I always felt safe with him by my side. He was so powerful. All through his life (until he got very old and frail), I have no doubt he would have fought to the death to protect me. So glad he never had to.
I miss him.