Friday, July 31, 2009
At a Full Stop
Is there such a thing as GPS for the soul? I've been praying a lot lately, asking for direction, but so far nothing specific has come through. I'm not feeling blank, exactly, just stalled out in terms of where I'm headed and what I'm supposed to be doing now.
The death of Jake was very cleansing, as all loss is. I feel washed more than sad these days, I feel like a clean slate, ready and as of right now, empty. I can call up the grief; it's still in process, but it's no longer pervasive, thank God. Life is no longer about 24-hour a day grieving, but what is it about? If I were an actor, I would turn to the director about now and ask, What's my motivation in this scene?
I could get another dog, sure I could. Then I could slip right back into my old routines. I could shape my days around a dog again, oh yeah. The idea is so comforting. But something in the back of my mind/heart is whispering, Wait awhile. OK. I'm waiting, as if at a stoplight.
There's no hurry, I guess, except life is short and I believe in carpe diem. Seize the day and wait? Does that sound right to you?
Looks like a setting in ancient Greece, but it's just the Supreme Court, seen from the Capitol grounds.