Saturday, April 30, 2011
The Essence of Oh Yeah
It could be downright unnerving to re-examine my baseline assumptions, as I have been recently. Certainly, as a creature of habit, I love to dig in my heels. Yeah. I tend to congeal around points of view for various reasons, such as if I think a certain outlook or position is "fair" or "good." I can get so entrenched in my opinions that over time they become, in my mind, unassailable, like laws of nature. For heaven's sake. But sometimes it's a relief to lift the grid of my "truths," have a peek at what's underneath them. This is my current experience: moments of Ah-ha! followed by relief.
The shedding of my ossified world view began at the end of last month when my dear houseguests held a mirror up, offered me alternative thoughts about situations and friendships, ideas I had never even considered. Wow. Ever since then, Hagalaz has appeared regularly in my morning divinations, helping me continue to pierce through old, rigid thought patterns. Even my opinion about that rune has changed. I used to throw it back in the bag, now I respectfully accept its presence.
Yesterday when I pulled Hagalaz yet again, I heard the words, "Be the hailstone." Later, as I was meditating, I heard, "Be a gentle hailstone." Now that's something, eh? A gentle hailstone. I'm intrigued with the idea since hail is usually not something I associate with gentleness. I love the paradox, and too, my recent experience of being pelted with hail externally as well as within my own mind, has not been harsh, but revelatory. Layers and veils have been pulled away from my eyes, revealing some uncomfortable truths, but have also, in many ways, set my world straight again.
Yesterday I was a gentle hailstone, speaking newly realized truths to a number of people. My hope is that I said what I needed to with light-hearted respect. That was my intention.
The older I get, the more I realize how deeply I love the people who are important to me. I can be very codependent, I can support others in clearly unhealthy behaviors because it feels, sometimes, like unconditional love. What I'm working with this week, as a gentle hailstone, is being brave enough to say what I see, with love and kindness.
The people who are important to me are getting a piece of my mind these days, but not with rancor or anger, nope, nor am I hoping that they'll see things my way. I'm simply telling the truth. It's not the easiest thing to do, sometimes, but it feels right. Thanks, Hagalaz. Really: thanks.