Here's a picture of me, taken by my friend, while I was panicked.
Do I look like I'm freaking out? On the inside I was so afraid. Information coming from out of the nowhere, a rush of insights and "memories" (from past lives), details about folk herbal medicine from long ago and far away, was overwhelming me at the moment my friend took the picture. Yes I'm a shaman and yes these things happen to me, but shamanic experiences frighten me - they do. They are powerful, overwhelming. I always wonder Is today the day I truly go off the deep end?
We'd just been to the Folger Library's exhibit on women and medicine during the 17th and 18th centuries. Encountering the images and books in the exhibit sent me into a shamanic tailspin of soul recovery from another time and place. I knew those images, I knew those books. Gazing at them made my hands start buzzing. I'm not making this up, because when I went to each of the triumvirate of earth (with whom I was seeing the exhibit), they all said my hands were on fire, energetically speaking.
Here's the thing. Usually when I have some kind of shamanic experience, I'm alone. I assume, based on the turmoil I experience internally, that from the outside looking in, I appear crazed, wild eyed, even dangerous - or - at least frightened. One of the most amazing gifts I received last week was a chance to see what I look like when I'm in the midst of shamanic drama. I'm sitting there, right? Gazing, perhaps lost in thought or maybe meditating. You would never guess, looking at that picture, that I was completely blown away in that moment, yes? I don't see it, nor do I see ecstacy in the banner pic, taken while I was dancing shamanically with the cherries at the Tidal Basin. I look like I'm doing tai chi or something. I look centered, grounded. On the inside I was swinging from the chandeliers, ecstatic beyond belief.
Since I was a little girl I've had a vision of myself in older age with long gray hair, drying herbs in my kitchen. It has come up for me thousands of times over the years. When I saw the books at the Folger, put those memories together with the fact that I'm about to embark on growing herbs in the front yard of the chateau this summer, and considering all the gray hair I've got going on, I realized I'm becoming my image. I'm engaging with my vision in earnest now.
But that's not the point of this rather rambling post. The point is, my friends showed me how graceful I look when I'm flopping around in shamanic states. Wow. What a revelation. No wonder people think I'm grounded. Ha. If only they knew. Maybe I should learn to play poker. Ya think?
All I can say is: wow.
After dinner at the Argo with the Triumvirate of Earth.
If you dare, click this link. The song will run loops through your head for the rest of the day, though.
14 comments:
Of course I dared click on the link, and now the song is playing, and playing and playing. Thank you.
Interesting how internal and external states don't always jibe. I've been told that I am serene.....
Oh, chica! I've got my groove on for the rest of the day thanks to that little ditty!
I'm still living the magic from last week.
Love...
what a dichotomy...turmoil on the inside, stillness on the outside.
you four look fantastic.
I can't see the pics yet (I'll check them out when I get home) but boy I wish I had that ability to look serene when I don't feel that way. I sure don't have a poker face! On the other hand, I mostly really do feel serene with a little bit of low level anxiety every now & then, so I guess I probably mostly look like everyone else :)
I'm very intrigued that you're growing into your vision. I think that's pretty amazing - both that you remember the vision & that you've been unconciously making it come true. Cool!
il ove the photos - what an interesting place you are sitting in. I have definitely had that outer calm look when the inside feels like its gonna blow any second. Thinking everyone can tell, but they cant - is always suprising!
OH YEAH. Poker is the game for you.
Serene is the word I used. You appear to be absolutely serene...except for the fiery hands.
Amazing. I'm still in awe of the whole experience.
Jo, me, too!
Val I expect you're the coolest externally when gazing into the eyes of a lion. You have that talent.
Debra of course they do.
Ms. Bug we will have to meet someday - let's make it happen.
Lucky you- I am opposite- I look insane on the outside but really there is nothing going on inside! Ok, I had to click of course- I escaped in the nick of time- whew! And yes, you could be winning at poker! You could probably feel the cards through to the other side.
Linda Sue - ha!! You are not and you do not!
I looked at your photo before I read your post & was thinking how serene you look sitting in that seemingly huge space. No fear, no anxiety, meditation perhaps. Yes indeed, I think you should take up poker!!!
Well now, I"m odd man out because I would have said you looked positively nailed to that wall... there's a rigidity to your shoulders. Look at the other two women, they look as if they were merely captured in mid-movement. Still, yes - serene? Not exactly.
It's so interesting to read your thoughts here. You're reintroducing me to something I readily believed in as a child.
Pauline!! You see it and by describing what you see - I see it, too. YES - the rigidity of posture, being nailed to the bench.
OMG, thank you for seeing me. Thank you.
I will never play poker with you, btw.
Thank you.
wow! indeed!
happy to see that the folger's exhibit will be around when i come down for my ma's bd (her bd is may 1st) - i definitely will check it out - hopefully it won't send me into a tailspin, but i expect it might bring forth all a mystical feeling or two.
Thank you for the personal view of what it looks like when you are abuzz. Great picture, and when I think about it I'm not surprised; that's what one looks like when they are deep in thought.
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