Monday, April 4, 2011
Here's a picture of me, taken by my friend, while I was panicked.
Do I look like I'm freaking out? On the inside I was so afraid. Information coming from out of the nowhere, a rush of insights and "memories" (from past lives), details about folk herbal medicine from long ago and far away, was overwhelming me at the moment my friend took the picture. Yes I'm a shaman and yes these things happen to me, but shamanic experiences frighten me - they do. They are powerful, overwhelming. I always wonder Is today the day I truly go off the deep end?
We'd just been to the Folger Library's exhibit on women and medicine during the 17th and 18th centuries. Encountering the images and books in the exhibit sent me into a shamanic tailspin of soul recovery from another time and place. I knew those images, I knew those books. Gazing at them made my hands start buzzing. I'm not making this up, because when I went to each of the triumvirate of earth (with whom I was seeing the exhibit), they all said my hands were on fire, energetically speaking.
Here's the thing. Usually when I have some kind of shamanic experience, I'm alone. I assume, based on the turmoil I experience internally, that from the outside looking in, I appear crazed, wild eyed, even dangerous - or - at least frightened. One of the most amazing gifts I received last week was a chance to see what I look like when I'm in the midst of shamanic drama. I'm sitting there, right? Gazing, perhaps lost in thought or maybe meditating. You would never guess, looking at that picture, that I was completely blown away in that moment, yes? I don't see it, nor do I see ecstacy in the banner pic, taken while I was dancing shamanically with the cherries at the Tidal Basin. I look like I'm doing tai chi or something. I look centered, grounded. On the inside I was swinging from the chandeliers, ecstatic beyond belief.
Since I was a little girl I've had a vision of myself in older age with long gray hair, drying herbs in my kitchen. It has come up for me thousands of times over the years. When I saw the books at the Folger, put those memories together with the fact that I'm about to embark on growing herbs in the front yard of the chateau this summer, and considering all the gray hair I've got going on, I realized I'm becoming my image. I'm engaging with my vision in earnest now.
But that's not the point of this rather rambling post. The point is, my friends showed me how graceful I look when I'm flopping around in shamanic states. Wow. What a revelation. No wonder people think I'm grounded. Ha. If only they knew. Maybe I should learn to play poker. Ya think?
All I can say is: wow.
After dinner at the Argo with the Triumvirate of Earth.
If you dare, click this link. The song will run loops through your head for the rest of the day, though.