Thursday, February 24, 2011
No star mandarins, no strange clouds, nothing unusual in the sky yesterday. Sweet.
"This moment is the perfect teacher." --Pema Chodron
Mindfulness - bloody hell - it's hard. At least it's hard for me. I have a lot of theories about why it's so hard, why every tradition I know about includes a process for steadying the attention. I know that I benefit from sitting every morning, and I know I keep myself from going off the deep end in many different situations because I've had so much practice. And still, it's hard.
Yesterday I had a whole day of unstructured rest. My mind was wandering here, there and everywhere. For instance: I know that the brick sidewalks of Capitol Hill are treacherous, but my eye was on the sky and the almost-budding trees, tra la la, which is why I tripped (but did not fall, thank God) repeatedly.
I dropped my wallet on the Metro (but noticed and picked it up immediately - a good thing because someone could have - and would have - easily scooped it up). I left the container of blueberries at the cash register after I paid for them (though the nice people at YES! Market ran after me as I left the store, made sure I had the blueberries I tried to leave behind.)
I ate too much yesterday because I wasn't paying any attention to whether or not I was hungry, and I drank too much (a little bit too much) probably because I was bored.
During weeks like last week when my sanity and groundedness depend on being mindful, oh man, I can get in there and be seriously, professionally mindful. But a day like yesterday when allegedly I need to take a break from it all, I am an idiot. For heaven's sake.
I am very grateful to all the angelic interventions yesterday that kept me from falling, losing my wallet, leaving the groceries behind, and god knows what else. Today I have some errands to run, and, too, I may invent a few chores to do around the chateau. Structure keeps me on my toes, apparently! Gosh.
At the Hirschorn.