Saturday, May 22, 2010

L'chaim


Tiger lilies already? Usually I associate these flowers with the 4th of July. But everything is early this year.

My hair is long these days. It's hippie length, it's extreme. It's "all over my head" as one friend would say, or as my sister Hannah says, "You've got some serious hair going on."

I should post a picture of it sometime before I get it cut. I don't think it has ever been so long or so wild. Yeah.

My theories about being in my fifties (in the past) revolved around shrinking, shriveling, wrinkling, and generally losing the fizz I associate with youth. I'll admit it: I can't party like I used to, not without serious consequences. OK. This is a Very Good Thing! And yeah, when I wake up I have to stretch and do yoga and stand under a hot shower before I can actually move with any kind of ease. Yes, it's true that gravity is definitely gaining a foothold over my body.

But this time in my life? It's my favorite era so far. I still have some umph and plenty of physical strength. I have just enough bravado to get me through the day, but not so much that I can't sleep well at night. My brain still works as well as any brain could at this age, maybe better than in the past. I have a joie de vivre I never had as a younger woman. It's a lightness of being in which I'm shocked and thrilled to realize: I'm no longer ashamed. I remember crazy adventures from my youth and think, "How cute!" or "Darn. Wasn't I full of myself?" or "My goodness those hormones-drugs-reckless ideas really got me into some interesting situations."

Even just a few years ago I would have been mortified to remember how boyfriends in my high school creative writing class and I were always feeling each other up when the teacher wasn't looking, or how I shop-lifted, or the vast quantities of marijuana I smoked, once upon a time. Looking back on it all now, I'm amused by my errors in judgment, for sloppy behavior, for coloring outside the lines so many times, for following my instincts instead of adhering to societal protocols. Why the hell not get a little carried away, eh?

They say that when you die, you will never regret what you did, but might very well regret what you didn't do. All I can say is, if I die tomorrow, I will feel quite proud of the places I've been, the things I've done, the people I've loved and the adventures I've had. Does it get better than that?

Allegedly this weekend is an astrologically difficult time. I can't remember the particulars, but it's supposed to be rather harrowing, or so my favorite astrologers say. But I'm feeling good ... smooth ... OK with who I am and what I've done. It's such a lovely feeling. May the smoothness linger! Please?

23 comments:

Barbara said...

You've lived a very full life -- enough experiences for several people. You must have a very strong mind to have survived so well the various substances you encountered along the way.

Take a picture before you go visit Richard. He always jokes that he could never stay in business if his other clients didn't come in more frequently than you and I do.

Reya Mellicker said...

A strong mind? hahahaha ...

ellen abbott said...

Oh yeah, the 50s are very freeing in many ways.

Kerry said...

May you have no regrets, none, and may the weekend lie as smoothly as the water in the birdbath. (I think that's a birdbath, and if it isn't, so what? I'm 60 and don't embarrass easily any more either!)

Mrsupole said...

Nothing is better then to be enjoying your life, no matter what age. Although I do sometimes also think that I would be mortified if my life had been put on film and was out there for everyone to see. But then again I think that most people would feel this way about their life. Which is kinda a strange thought since here we are out there blogging about so many things that have happened and are happening in our lives. Sometimes we make no since whatsoever.

I like the picture of the tiger lillies and the bird bath. I never thought about putting rocks in my bird bath and maybe I should.

God bless.

Linda Sue said...

I like that very much- "regret what you have not done"- I guess I am pretty well covered...I would love to grow my hair down to my toes but- I am just too old, my hair said 'no'...I really like being old- I really do!

Barry said...

If we are alive, we should live and you obvious have and are.

Way to go!!

Reya Mellicker said...

I believe if I was still engaging in the kind of behaviors I described, or if I had ever intentionally been hurtful to others, I would be ashamed.

Jane said...

What Barry said. And now I have another reason to adore you.

Peaches said...

I like this post…I also have walked a long and interesting path to my fifties and now feel so comfortable, even in my physical limitations. I just might be grown up…maybe.

Reya Mellicker said...

Jane! Two visits in two days? I am thrilled. xx

Hi Peaches. Happy Gemini time. Great to see you here!

Elizabeth said...

Yes, I could pop off now and have had a super visit to this planet but I really want to hang around a little bit longer.....
two dear friends aren't going to........makes me so very
very sad

makes me think and think that we must rejoice a LOT
for what we have
and if it is HAIR
celebrate that too!!

John Hayes said...

There was something very calming to me about your words & photos this morning--especially the smooth stones. There is something almost like wisdom as we move thru middle age--thanks!

Rick said...

You are a song.
...and I want to see the "hair" picture.

Jo Floyd Lucas said...

I think you're a song, too, Reya, and wise and witty and wild, and sometimes unrepentant, but I'm adding my comment only to say...why would you cut your hair??

I vote no...a write-in vote which will probably fall by the wayside in some hanging chad scandal, but nontheless, please note that I am anti-snip on this issue...<3

Paul C said...

Your posts always get me saying to myself. "Life is like that." You touch upon the central fabric, or nerve endings. I agree about the losing strength parts and gaining in other respects as well. The smoothness maybe is part of that?

Reya Mellicker said...

OK. Well. It's so funny because at 4 am this morning I suddenly awoke and wondered if I should delete this post, but there were already a few comments, most of them positive. Now I'm glad I left it up. Wow.

Jo I'll only have my hair trimmed, not cut short or anything. It's th first time in my life that I've actually liked my hair, so yeah let it fly. But a nice trim is good, too.

I'll post a pic, I promise.

Ronda Laveen said...

It's funny, I was just thinking pretty much the same things yesterday about my past. Partly due to a story I'm writing and partly due to your "First Love" post.

I've led a cool and fun life, oh, yeah! And the last things I associate with you are: shrinking, shriveling, wrinkling, and generally losing the fizz.

You SIZZLE!

Reya Mellicker said...

Thanks Ronda! So do you!!

B120ryantScipio1 said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Steve said...

It's a lot of fun to think back to our youthful indiscretions, isn't it? Sometimes I think, "My God, did I really do that?!" But at the same time, I have no desire to do any of it again!

Reya Mellicker said...

Steve, me, too. What you said. Yeah.

Angella Lister said...

love the sense of peace in this post, and the enjoyment of it all. i am still a little circumspect about my youthful indiscretions in my blog, because i don't want to give my teenagers any ideas! they will come up with their own! but yes, it was all a fabulous ride and i regret none of it!

(but i think it's easy to have no regrets when you make it through to the other side. some of my traveling companions did not...)

i so enjoy they way you practice acceptance of what is. on my way there!