Sunday, November 21, 2010

The chalice and the blade



Secrets, commitments, loyalty, karmic bonds - this assortment of topics from recent days here all seem related, particularly when I think about keeping secrets, making commitments, the pervasiveness (or not) of loyalties, and the nature of karmic bonds.

All of the above situations involve the creation of energetic containers that have enough structural integrity to hold something that would otherwise be quite ephemeral. What's a secret anyway? What is it made of? What does it look like? It's dust in the wind unless kept. A well kept secret is remembered but never spoken - which isn't as easy as it sounds for many people. Secrets are precious and lively; sometimes it's like they're begging to be set free. When spoken aloud, inappropriately (to the wrong person or at the wrong time) secrets become gossip which is always harmful and hurtful. I learned this truth the hard way, from gossiping and from being gossiped about. Ouch.

The brilliant Glenn said, about commitments and loyalties, that it isn't a matter of waiting for an expiration date before they become sacred rot, but that what he called "completion stipulations" are a necessary prerequisite to letting them go. Hmm. It made me think of what my spirit guides have said about marriage, that it is a "crucible in which two families come together to work something out." My guides say that every marriage, whether it's "good" or "bad" or short-lived or long lasting, creates an alchemy between two families. It's interesting to think about.



Of all the topics I've been pondering, only karmic bonds seem timeless. Or - should say - seemed timeless. Based on what I've learned in the last few days, karma, just like everything else in the multiverse, can be shifted, altered, strengthened - or in some cases - broken. Even a soul mate doesn't have to be a soul mate forever. What a revelation! Wow.

I had a particularly unpleasant role in the crucible of one organization I was involved in, one in which we had meetings, lots and lots of long, excruciating meetings. The energy of those meetings often got stuck. It was so frustrating. Inevitably at some point I would lose my temper. Someone else at the meeting would burst into tears, and I would stomp out of the room. Strangely, right afterwards the meeting would get back on track. So the truth is, my bad behavior helped break the stuckness. My bad behavior served as a big ole sword, chopping the stuck energy into manageable pieces.

Imagine an ironic look on my face. Imagine me shaking my head back and forth, knitting my brows. Why me, oh lord? Why was I chosen to take on the role of "Reya, destroyer of energetic crucibles?" Please explain.

One of my big lifetime lessons this time around has to do with letting go - of commitments, loyalties, and karmic bonds. I'm supposed to continually lighten my load, at the perfect moment of ripeness, that is. Except for secrets. With secrets I've learned to keep them - into perpetuity when necessary. Both of these ideas - letting go and keeping - when done well, are good deeds. And good deeds strengthen the soul.

I'm really going on and on and on today, eh? I'll stop now! Shalom.

16 comments:

Reya Mellicker said...

If you doubt the lively nature of secrets, check out Frank Warren's BRILLIANT blog, Post Secret.

He really tapped into something important, a way to tell secrets with great creative expression, but anonymously. On Post Secret, secrets are held and released simultaneously.

Brilliant!

Jo Floyd Lucas said...

Beautiful post, Reya. We do what we need to do to forge our way along our paths.

Your photos are so telling this time around. Look at the beautiful, sun-dappled path that lies ahead of you!

Reya Mellicker said...

Oh cool. Didn't see that of course, till you pointed it out. That's Lincoln Park at sunset. That tree is magnificent.

Rose said...

Oh dear.... I don't like the idea of families coming together through marriage to work something out.... I have a very difficult Mother-in-Law. Stopping her dysfunction from traveling down the generations will be quite a challenge....

These things can be so hard...

Reya Mellicker said...

No one ever said alchemy is easy. According to my cosmology, it's not about creating the perfect brew, but it IS about working with it, engaging with it.

Rose, may the force be with you!!

ellen abbott said...

Oh Reya, you always make me think. Now I'm thinking about my first marriage. I had thought that I had finally understood the reason for or the lesson to be learned from it but now, who knows. His family did not like me at all, something that I really to this day don't understand. What on earth did his family and my family have to work out?

Meri said...

This post and the previous one, intimately connected, are so thought-provoking. I will ponder them today as I go about things, wondering. About asking my guides to help me sever karmic bonds (since the multi-day ritual several years ago didn't break the connection). Wondering about familial alchemy and how this plays out in various situations.

Cole said...

You know I never thought about it in those terms, (families having to work things out) but I have felt it and know it to be true. I like my husbands family, but it has been a challenge to love them. My own Mother and Father and extended relatives find it a struggle too. Everyone adores my husband, thankfully. I have often felt that we are all in a learning process, and when I hear my family comment about something my husband's family has done or is going through, I see that as an opportunity which is presenting itself to my own family member, an opportunity for them to deal or act or understand something about themselves. A chance to evolve. Likewise for my husband's family. I have seen changes over the years on both sides. It has been interesting to watch and see growth, but it has taken a long, long time. The same can be said with my relationship with my husband, growth and understanding. It is a process but a worthwhile one, even though it has been difficult at times. Great post.
By the way, I hate secrets, don't tell me any. I want to burst when I hear them, the responsibility for me is too great. ;)

Reya Mellicker said...

Cole, it sounds challenging, but reading you comment what I "see" is the peace process at work. I wish we could see that kind of compassionate diplomacy on a national scale. Wow.

Meri I'm sure the multi-day ritual was very powerful and at least got things into gear. Timing is everything.

Don't know about you, but speaking only for myself, I always think it takes WAY too long for things to turn around.

Shaista said...

The nature of secrets is lively and compelling! I realised reading this post that I have not really ever had to keep a secret - I trust my parents and brothers so implicitly that (so far) I haven't had to conceal my thoughts or experiences. However, the practise of some mindfulness is always helpful when you are by nature an open person - it's good to take care of the words that leave our bodies :)

Reya Mellicker said...

I used to feel just like Cole - I couldn't hold a secret to save my life. But as a massage therapist I have to hold lots of secrets. I'm good with it now, but it took awhile.

Karen said...

Love love love that tree and its shadows, stretching out... What secrets do those trees know? What knowledge hidden from us if we don't listen carefully or stand still? Hmm...

All during our growing-up years, my sister couldn't keep Christmas secrets to save her life. We'd go shopping for our Dad's present, and as soon as we got home, she'd announce to him what we'd bought. It got to be funny after a while. :) She has to open at least one present on Christmas Eve because she can't stand the suspense--even now in her 40s! :)

Gary said...

I never have any trouble keeping secrets (especially if I feel they are truly secrets and not just something that everyone knows anyway and says is secret). This past week has been about strengthing my soul as well. Finding my way back to myself in a way. Sounds strange perhaps but makes sense to me.

Reya Mellicker said...

Makes sense to me, too, Gary!

Pauline said...

I think secrets kept do build a kind of energy of their own, and on occasion can become a kind of poison. On the other hand, they can be poisonous if released too soon... I've told my friends that, as my age advances, I tend to forget things and I may spill secret beans, so they ought not to tell me anything at all that can't be broadcast. I wish I'd thought to tell everyone that years ago!

jeanette from everton terrace said...

How inviting that photo is. I want to walk along that lovely path. I have learned to not try and please everyone from my husband's family. I only have one brother but my husband is one of 7 children and boy oh boy the lessons I have learned just from putting the holiday's together. It's been quite freeing to realize that no matter what I do, not everyone will be happy. I can't say I don't worry about it, but I worry about MUCH less that I use to.