Saturday, November 21, 2009

Now what?


Isn't this great? A light mist around the crescent moon, and a not too steady hand on the shutter created a perfect man in the moon portrait. Very cool.

I don't know about you, but speaking only for myself, when I'm in the midst of a transformation, I get cranky. Grumpy. Grouchy. I turn into a few of the most ill-tempered of the 7 dwarves.

Part of that has to do with my love of routine, how safe it makes me feel when I know what's going to happen next, when the pattern of my days is laid out in a nice, neat, predictable sequence. The safety of familiarity is so nice! Fortunately or unfortunately my life's path has always spiraled around themes of potent transformation.

In my 20's, living still in Kansas City, waiting tables, if you had told me that in my 30's I would live in San Francisco and become a wiccan high priestess, I would have laughed in your face. If, in my 30's you had explained that in my late 40's I would move to Washington DC, give up the witchcraft, work as a massage therapist, and learn to love dogs, I would have thought you were nuts. For one thing, during my 30's, I could never have imagined leaving San Francisco.

Now I'm in my mid to late 50's, wondering what's around the next corner. It definitely does not feel like more of the same. I feel the transformation on a cellular level, like the breeze that comes out of the tunnel before you see or hear the subway train coming. What it feels like (always has felt this way, anyway) is a deep achey restlessness. Suddenly I feel restricted by my great and beautiful life even though I know in my heart of hearts that isn't true. Why do I suddenly like the early dusk of winter? Why am I at ease talking to a bunch of people (at NGS)? Why don't I want another dog? Why? WHY?? What does it all mean?

Maybe I'm wrong about this. Maybe I'm just in a jumpy mood, maybe I'll settle down and hang on to the stability I've created during the time I've been here on Tennessee Avenue. Maybe it's the upcoming holidays getting on my last nerve, as they have in the past, even though I was supposed to like the holidays this year. Who knows?

One thing I've learned over time is: my predictions are useless. Whatever will be, will be.


This pic, taken 2 seconds after that first shot, while still blurry is a completely different pic. Why? Don't ask me!!

21 comments:

Lynne said...

Hey, that first pic of the moon looks like a profile of the "old man in the moon" ! I can definitely see a face.
Just go with the flow of that pre-subway train air. Don't worry about what's next or why, just let it take you.

Barry said...

The first photo of the moon is amazing.

I won't ask.

I'll just enjoy.

Reya Mellicker said...

Yep, the face is just about perfect - nose, lips, everything! You can't plan for that. Fun!!

willow said...

Something's comin' I-don't-know what-it-is, but it's gonna be great...

The man in the moon is so cool!

ellen abbott said...

It was a beautiful crescent of a moon Thursday night. couldn't see it last night though because of the overcast sky from the rain all day but it was definitely looking at you.

Towards transformation...just go with the flow. Another life for Reya.

And yes, I'm already sick of the christmas commercials/commercialism and it only just getting geared up good.

Cyndy said...

At first I saw a feather. Then I saw the nose and the lips. Maybe the man in the moon is trying to tell you something.

Peaches said...

It is hard to relax when you feel transformation coming. The routine, pattern, and predictability of daily life is a good thing. But transformation is inevitable. It is cyclical, and seems to be about every ten year for you. Circles upon circles the wheels turn. Change will come so let go and enjoy the now, this time...the beauty in the pattern, the end game. You will not know what it all means till after the fact.

And, about the holiday...you will like what you make of it. I invent my own holiday experience, which is far from the commercial hype. I write Christmas letters, real letters...I have friends over for Boxing Day, I volunteer, I donate...last year to Heifer, this year I will give to my locate no-kill animal shelter. I live from check to check, but donating this time of year is part of my holiday cheer. So...invent your holiday.

Reya Mellicker said...

Peaches my colleague at work and I just finished an article for next month's neighborhood paper in which we say exactly this ... we used more words, but it boils down to just what you said.

I have often listened to the siren song of the full moon, aka Luna, but I've never stopped to listen to the crescent moon. As of this second, my ear is open for whatever the man in the moon has to say. Thanks for pointing it out!

Reya Mellicker said...

Willow I hope it's better than what happened to Tony!

Reya Mellicker said...

The man in the moon even has a chin! And what appears to be a buzz cut. Wow.

Barbara Martin said...

The first photo definitely has a face.

Changes are on the air for everyone, and I, too, am feeling restless. Taking everything day to day is the best way rather than anticipate what may occur. Do whatever feels best or right.

steven said...

hey reya - transformation is constant as you know. big changes come for me at three seven and nine years. i get mighty edgy because i love knowing what i know. it works, it's happy-making so why wouldn't i? so i get your grumpiness.
it's good to be open - really open - so whatever's coming can play you and be played!!!! have a lovely dc saturday! steven

Merle Sneed said...

That pic of the man in the moon looks like Bob Hope's profile.

Tom said...

seems like you were in the right place at the right time...maybe you often are!

The Bug said...

I saw this moon on my way home last night (I was out VERY late for me - driving home at 10:00, heh).

Sometimes I envy you because you are so in charge of your destiny. I'm in charge of what I do with where I am, but where I am is a joint project with Dr. M right now & the job market holds all the cards...

Reya Mellicker said...

My God. He does look like Bob Hope! So some message about hope? Or is he telling me to lighten up? Or both??

Elizabeth said...

Totally love the man in the moon!
Yes, time for changes
re-charge
new energy
like it that you liked being with people

do hope WE will be some of those people in december

You are right not to get a dog
in time you will want/need one
or he/she you
but not yet

Reya Mellicker said...

Not yet is right, Elizabeth. Mulling over the possibilities for my visit to NYC, too. I'll be in touch.

Upon closer examination of the second picture, I can still see the face, but it is receding. Wow.

StreamSource said...

I sense the big change we are all awaiting is already here. It has always been here, screaming for our notice. It's just that now, by virtue of advanced communications, more and more people have been made aware that something more exists and they want it - it is human nature - the desire cannot be suppressed - evolution, if you will. The only thing that holds us back is that which binds us to our past - that stuff that we just can't let go of. The grand, global awakening is actually an individual process of enlightenment. With a little luck, we'll all get a bump from the collective juice that's flowing so we can more easily shed the old skin and move on... while not leaving earth....ahhhhh.... bliss. Love your space - your message, your You.

MARGARET GOSDEN 2 said...

No one has mentioned the aura around this man in the moon! Doesn't this have significance to people with sensory experience?

Bee said...

I am so excited to see what evolves next for you, Reya.

Funnily enough, I am in a big mental transition right now . . . but the other circumstances of my life aren't ready to change yet. There is a lot of emotional friction from that (what feels like to me) incompatibility.