Friday, December 30, 2011
Good to be here
It's nice to be sane, well such as I am what with spirit guides, past lives and such. Yes I am friends with the noctilucent cloud people and also believe the planets (including Mama Gaia) are sentient beings. I could go on except the point of this post is to impress upon you how much closer to sane I am than I once was. Wish me good luck with that!
They called me Ruby and I was hell-bent for leather, whatever that means. Ruby was a par-Tay girl, oh my. I remember one particularly bad New Year's Day when I lived at Lake Tahoe in the early 1980s. I finally got out of bed around 4:00 p.m. Within 10 minutes I had spilled scalding hot tea all over my weary, hungover, dazed body. Ouch. It was not a great portent for the year to come. Probably it's not necessary to explain what kind of trouble I had gotten into the night before. That was then, before psychotherapy (10 years worth), before i learned to meditate, before encountering my great teachers. I had no skills, no tools with which to deal with my intrinsic mysticism, hence I was always overwhelmed. And then there were the hormones. Oh I do not miss raging hormones. Whoa.
A lot of people my age feel wistful when they reflect on their youth. I do not share that feeling. I look in the mirror these days, closing in on 59, and for the first time in my life recognize the face I see smiling back at me. I dig my aging face. I've been waiting to be this age all my life.
I look back on earlier eras of life in wonder and gratitude. I was crazy, sloppy and self-destructive, a chariot driver who didn't know how to get hold of the reins. I'm so glad I squeaked through that time and for all the blessings that followed, that continue to fall into my hands. Life is good and I am grateful.