One of my very smart friends has mentioned on occasion that those of us who cultivate rich inner lives may not focus so much on having lots of material stuff, but, we too can be hoarders. Internal hoarding - wow. It's interesting to think about.
A couple of days ago I went through my dresser drawers, tossed everything I haven't worn this summer, which was about half of what was in there. I washed everything else, (only 2 small loads - really I have no clothes!) neatly folded and put my meager "wardrobe" away. As usual after I get rid of stuff, I felt happy and serene.
After that righteous bout of cleaning, I noticed I had six portraits of Jake on display. Six. The chateau is a small, three-room apartment in which I have very limited wall space. I prefer to believe I choose carefully what I wish to look at. I asked myself, What am I doing? Why all the pics of Jake? He died more than three years ago. Hmmm.
I was hoarding grief for my old dog. It felt like loyalty and life-long adoration but I'm thinking now that the multiple images spoke more to a grasping, hoarding mentality than the devotion I imagined it represented. Once upon a time, it would have made sense, but now?
I've replaced the portraits, a good thing. I'm experiencing the same spacious feeling I get when I clean out my closets. That's significant. I always say it, but do I genuinely embody the phrase Onwards and Upwards? Outwardly, yes, but in my heart, not so much.
Interesting to think about. Shalom.