Saturday, July 7, 2012

Bookkeeping 101



I've written a number of times about how this moment in history feels like the 60s. The particulars are different, but that sense that anything could happen is identical, or nearly so. The Arab spring? Who could ever have imagined? John Roberts upheld the healthcare reform law? Who saw THAT coming? They found the Hicks-Boson, or something that acts just like it. Well, wow! The god particle, for which physicists have been searching since 1964, has likely been discovered. Its appearance is perfectly timed.

It's a societal reinvention that is also resonating through the personal lives of many, myself included. One way the transformation is manifesting in my life is that certain half-hearted, half-assed relationships have evaporated, while those that are hearty and healthy have become stronger, more durable. It's so interesting!

To be honest, I've been very sad to see a few people I considered good friends suddenly drop off the radar screen. One person I adored literally crosses the street to avoid being civil to me. It's so extreme, he must think I am truly despicable. He has not bothered to explain why, showing exactly how little our friendship meant to him. OK. I'm sure you can imagine how vociferously my spirit guides have encouraged me to let go - or be dragged down under the weight of wondering why, why WHY? If he doesn't want to try to work it out, it's rather pointless for me to invest energy into understanding, yes? My spirit guides say yes.

On the other hand, the people with whom the connection is whole-hearted have moved in a little closer - or in some cases, a lot closer - crossing the street to say hello (metaphorically and literally), inviting me for dinner, arranging to get together when they're in town or whatever. I have experienced some profoundly intimate conversations with these people of late. It's very beautiful.

A dear, long time friend recently purchased a house in the mountains. She told me she and her husband will fix up the house for the "imaginary renters" (they will rent the house during ski season). She said that to spiff up the house for themselves would be spending, while making sure it's lovely for the renters is an investment. Good point!

She's got me thinking about that word - investment - in terms of my relationships. It's not an investment to devote time or energy towards half-hearted, half-assed relationships. That's an example of careless expenditure. It's like blowing a whole paycheck sitting in front of a slot machine (something I saw happen to acquaintances more than once at Lake Tahoe).

For those who are genuinely and fully interested in whatever sort of relationship we share, time and energy is a great investment that will yield excellent results now and over time.

All of the above is so rational I can hardly believe I'm able to think in those terms. Maybe becoming slightly more rational is yet another aspect of the current transformation and initiation I'm experiencing. I would never have thought I needed to juice up that side of myself, not that I'm particularly rational, mind you, but I never thought it was important. I'm getting now that it is.

May I dare to dwell in beauty, balance and delight, which includes a good dose of the rational. May I stop wasting my time worrying about meaningless or unhealthy relationships in order to be more present for the relationships that matter. May it be so! Shalom.

8 comments:

ellen abbott said...

yah, I've had to let go of relationships that were half hearted. my heart was the only heart in it. When I quit making the effort to keep in touch, I found out all too quickly how little my friendship had meant because I never heard from them again. oh well. you gotta let go. the last time I was shunned from my social group I spent years! going over and over it trying to understand. I think I finally gained some sort of understanding but it didn't make sense which was more frustrating. Better to just let go and be with people who want to be with you.

Reya Mellicker said...

You can say that again!

Gary said...

Wow, for what it's worth I have been seriously thinking of planning a visit with you this summer. Perhaps inspired by Kim's visit but wanting to reconnect a bit with you and just be. I think it's worth the investment.

Reya Mellicker said...

Gary please come visit! When the weather breaks, please?

Steve Reed said...

I love that last picture -- kind of creepy and forbidding! Fabulous!

I have NEVER understood people who get angry about something and won't discuss it. I can see cooling off first, but to perpetually hold so much anger that you cross the street to avoid someone just seems so EXHAUSTING.

On the other hand, I've accepted that there are some relationships where I carry the burden of maintenance. It's not that the others don't care, just that they're busy or not very good at reaching out. (I suppose I have relationships where I'm the offender, too.)

Wish I could join you and Gary for a visit!

Reya Mellicker said...

Steve you are so sane!

I'm sure it must be exhausting for the ex friend. He seems exhausted much of the time. But likewise it's exhausting for me to keep worrying about it. I am so done with that!

When I come visit you and Dave, you do NOT need to be tour guides. I've done all the London tourist spots - when I come visit, it will be to hang out with you. We can walk around, take pics. You're so good, you take such good care of your visitors.

Can't wait to see Gary, too. xx oo

Gary said...

Excellent! I will be around and available from about July 27 until August 20. I'll email you to see which day works best for you. xo

mischy said...

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We need to give our all to gain success in our investments. May it be time, attention, affection and resources. It will be all worth it in the end.