I saw an old couple on the subway a few days ago. I couldn't take my eyes off them. They looked relaxed and cheerful, were having what appeared to be a very fun, interesting conversation. Their vibe was great, but just as great was their appearance. Neither one of them was trying to look young. They were grey haired and it was clear neither had had "work" of any kind. She was dressed in a colorful tunic and leggings, her long hair in a braid down her back. He wore a simple sweater and pair of jeans, black Chuck Connors. I always notice shoes, so I can tell you she was wearing some version of a clog; I didn't recognize the brand. Maybe she was wearing a little make-up, maybe none at all. They were stylish in an age appropriate way. More significant, they looked comfortable in their wrinkly skins. It came to me that the only time old people look really weird is when they try to look younger.
It's sad, the way our culture vilifies aging. It's not like we've done anything wrong by growing old, we just haven't died yet. Watching a family close by who is about to deal with the untimely death of their 28 year old daughter makes me want even more than ever to embrace the wonders, beauty, wisdom and liberations of older age.
For a long time, in accordance with cultural hatred for old age, I tried to slam the brakes on my aging appearance; I colored my hair until just a few years ago, for instance. I loved it when people said, "You don't look THAT OLD!" because I didn't get it. I really didn't get it, how powerful and freeing it is to grow older. I had no idea I would like it so much! I also didn't understand that when people say I look young, they are insulting me. Why is it wrong to look my age? It's like saying, "Don't worry, you can hide your dirty little secret. No one will know." Please!
Researchers and scientists work their asses off every day, figuring out how to help us live longer and longer. But no one is putting two and two together: that a long life, in this culture, means you'll have to spend the last half pretending it isn't a long life. Or said another way, do these people want to be old for a really long time? Crazy.
Yes yes, life is precious. Being young has its pros and cons, just like every age. For those of my age who try so hard to act/look young, I want to say we had our time to do all that! Now it's another generation's turn. Same as it ever was.
Live well and fully. Be who you are, act your age! L'chaim.
11 comments:
You are so right. I look at people my age and those who constantly strive to look younger either through plastic surgery or expensive make-up or whatever, who fight the fact that they are no longer young, they must be so unhappy all the time.
totally agree - real beauty shines from within anyway. if older generations are comfortable with age, the younger ones will look and learn, and have an easier time when their time comes.
Yup. I've earned my wrinkles. And like you, I don't mind at all being the age I am. Go us!
I'm guilty of the hair coloring thing. I am destined to have that dirty, brownish gray hair of a few of my blessed aunts, rather than the shining white hair of my mother and grandfather. Even my mother said not to stop coloring my hair! Ha! Maybe a few more years down the road...
I applaud your ability to be truly comfortable with your age. ♥
Nothing looks worse than when people try to be something they're not -- and that includes young when they're older. I love it when people embrace and enjoy their true ages.
Jo you look great - and age appropriate! I'm not against hair color - I did it for decades. For you it's a style choice, not about pretending you're still 30. Xx
What bothers me is the clothing choices. It's quite disconcerting to see a woman wearing something that one of my girlfriends might wear and then getting close enough to see that it was more appropriate for her about 20 years earlier.
I'm not sure how I'm going to approach aging-hopefully gracefully. I have to believe that people would stop fighting the aging process if we had the appropriate respect for the older generation. I think when we lost veneration for our elders people began to fight looking their age in order to retain their relevance.
i'm happy when my socks match and my gray mustache isn't curling into my mouth. yep, quite ready to be old - practice makes perfect
Aging is a tough process, to be sure. We are super-geared towards a culture of youth, and it's hard to let that go for a lot of us. As Whitney says, our culture doesn't honor the elderly, and so it's scary to enter that realm. I know I'm tip-toeing into it, glancing back and looking ahead at the same time.
How wonderful for that old couple that you observed, secure in who they are, and having one another for support.
reya yes! take care of the body - it's one of the terms and conditions of being here - it ages and changes and says much about its own processes - which aren't entirely ours because we are free of those terms and conditions - but honouring the body through care ... well to me that speaks of the affection and love we hold for it while we borrow it. steven
Reya, I've noticed recently that so many "old" celebrities have gotten face-lifts and all kinds of facial procedures.
Then, when I see an "old" person au naturale, it looks really strange! And I don't want to say au naturale is strange, I'm just saying TV's portrayal of old age is so UNNATURAL. heh heh heh
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