Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Trying to Get Slightly Ahead of Myself



The Future (from wikipedia) The future is a time period commonly understood to contain all events that have yet to occur. It is the opposite of the past, and is the time after the ...

Yeah yeah.

It hasn't happened yet, but we count on it, we plan for it in so many ways, hardly ever giving a thought to the reality that the future doesn't actually exist. Interesting, isn't it? We are such quirky creatures. Do other animals wonder about next year? It's hard to imagine.

One of the reasons I love weddings is because they are rituals in which the people involved not only plan for a future, but plan to love each other in that non-existent future. A plan to love, a promise to love, a commitment of the heart - wow. I am always so impressed when anyone has the nerve to do it. I was even surprised when I did it. When people have children, surely that act is based on a belief in a future - a happy future, probably. Wow.

Perhaps it's needless to mention that I have never been much for planning. I don't trust that the future so many others are sure of will ever arrive. It's a big problem for me; I don't think my suspicions about the future have ever really served me well.

But today, with a forwards looking eye, I bought my new computer. It is scheduled to be delivered on Thursday - if there really is a Thursday, that is. I'm actually planning the transition from this old G4 ibook to the new machine, so at some level I must believe that Thursday (at least) will not evaporate into thin air. In a similar vein I met with my colleague to talk about the future of our office space. She invited me to imagine all kinds of configurations.

Spending so much money all at once, based on a belief in the future, has really got me unnerved, not to mention trying to peer into the future of my professional life. Yikes!! I've been jumpy all day, cleaning my room obsessively, etc.

Sometimes I am such a nutcase, even I can hardly believe it. For heaven's sake.

33 comments:

Nancy said...

I love how you live in the moment, without expectations. We should all take a page from that book.

The Pollinatrix said...

You are too cute!

I'm with you on the planning thing. There's so much in life (future, money, age, etc) that strikes me as so abstract as to be almost not worth considering. (I am now working on the money one, though. It finally occurred to me that if I took money just a little more seriously, I might actually make it above the poverty level at some point.)

Natalie said...

Probably far healthier, than trying to boss the future around, like I do. :) xx

Cyndy said...

I hope you thoroughly enjoy all of the moments between now and Thursday because otherwise it will be here before you know it! But then you'll have your new computer and it won't be the future anymore.

Whitney Lee said...

Yet most of us struggle to live in the now. Most of us simply mark time as we plan for next year, next week, tomorrow, dinner...

Your take on this is interesting and a great reminder to live in the moment. Thank you; it's a reminder I sorely need just now!

Linda Sue said...

HEE HEEE- Maybe there will be a thursday...I know for sure that there will not be a Wednesday- for me- I must be unplugged because of repair men. ACK!
You are so ZEN,baby! Cool Reya!

mouse (aka kimy) said...

i'm can so identify with this post. i share an aversion to planning. but sometimes one does plan....and i have a plan for thursday (!!!!) and it involves a certain wonderful reya..... let me know if the anticipated arrival of the NEW COMPUTER may modify our plans for thursday!!! i'm flex - and can go where ever directed!!

xxxx

Tom said...

you're like that old tree...ever reaching higher into a future of unknowns...future or no, we keep stretching to it.

wow. after all these years i'm still full of it!

Reya Mellicker said...

Oh no Kim - I am totally committed to getting together Thursday, oh yeah. Elvis, baby, here we come!!

Pollinatrix, I sometimes think that if I could channel Merle Sneed, everything in my life would be just perfect. He's a planner, but sane. Such a lovely combination.

And Natalie, how I WISH I could boss the future around. Wow. Wouldn't that be cool? Maybe I should try.....

Reya Mellicker said...

Tom, I must actually believe in the future because I'm so looking forward to hanging out with you and your family this summer.

Hmmm ... or am I bluffing?

tam said...

interesting food for thought as always Reya. I believe in living in the now and am a terrible planner. But I also notice, when I work with communities, talking about poverty and safeguarding the environment, that people who have deep poverty and hunger are not concerned about the future. Or rather, they may be concerned, but cannot see further than the food they need NOW, regardless of the damage that may come tomorrow. I think its terribly healthy to afford yourself a new computer, Reya. I salute that.

Peaches said...

I love your take on the future...and the now.

steven said...

hi reya! the future - well it is about as rich a place as the present in the minds of all those who think about it - i mean there must be a kazillion futures floating around out there in people's imaginations that bust like balloons into the big present moment - every moment!!! then everyone gets to compare the present with the future they imagined. what fun! speaking of computers: i think it's cool to get really good equipment to deal with the present and tell about the past. maybe it makes a "good" future become more possible? did you choose another mac as your portal?
steven

NanU said...

Hey, maybe that's why I don't have a cell phone yet. The world is running so fast on its treadmill I can't identify which one will be worth it next Thursday. Can't seem to jump onto the merry-go-round.

Reya Mellicker said...

Tam how cool to "see" you here. As usual you have touched on something I hadn't been conscious of before, that my sense of distrust in the future reflects a kind of hopelessness. That's a strong word, but I was thinking about it last night. In another lifetime, during the Holocaust, I think we gave up on the future. But that was then and this is now. Maybe it isn't too late to plan for a future. Hmmm....

Steven I bought a new macbook, plain and simple. I'm sure it will be amazing to work with. Tomorrow.

And there will be a tomorrow, yes? I say yes.

ellen abbott said...

It takes all my focus just to get though today! I rarely think more than a few days in advance. Gets me in trouble sometimes though when stuff sneaks up on me like deadlines.

Deborah said...

I so know the feeling

lots getting done around here too

love you so

The Bug said...

Being a present moment person I find it hard to comprehend the future - although I do try to plan for it. For example, we're leaving on Saturday to visit family in NC & then on to Charleston so Dr. M can read a paper at a conference. I should probably consider what I plan to pack. But that's DAYS away, right?

Reya Mellicker said...

I never start packing until the day I leave town.

lakeviewer said...

You are probably the sanest person around. Truly, to believe in a future one has to be a gambler, or a wishful parent.

Reya Mellicker said...

Rosaria, sane? Hmmm ... That's not what most people think! But thank you.

mouse (aka kimy) said...

:) see you tomorrow!!!

Marian Wiseman said...

I live mostly in the future, with nostalgia for the past. It's the present that doesn't exist.

Bee said...

I predict that the new computer will be a wise investment in your future!

I have also been mulling over the future. I like to have lots of different contingeny plans at all times. It makes me feel more secure for some reason. Folly, I know.

Reya Mellicker said...

If it makes you feel more secure, then it's well worth it, Bee.

Marian we're going to PLAN our seder at dinner tonight. I might believe in the future more than I think I do ...

glnroz said...

you aint no nut. You just have a tough shell around you. (not really), in reality (kinda like the future, hard to grasp) you are always level and objective, at least as I see..

Steve said...

Can you imagine what it would be like to have a child? Holy cow!

Ribbon said...

The nice thing about the future is that it is fantasy and can't hurt you. It's okay to indulge in it as long as your not missing all that the now has to offer.

Great piece of writing... I enjoyed it :)

best wishes
Ribon

Meri said...

I wonder why it is that I don't wonder about things like this. Am I a nut case to be so trusting that Thursday will come? And to know that the only time is now?

Lori ann said...

i think squirrels sock away nuts, and dogs bury bones, birds build nests the same way we plan for the future. I agree that the future doesn't exist, i guess it would be faith or planning for survival. Either way, living in the now, planning for the future and reminicing about the past makes for a rich life.
Lucky you! new mac book!

Washington Cube said...

I thought I'd plop down and hang out here a bit. 2:30 in the a.m. :::picking up plate and flipping it to read hallmark:::

New computer huh? Cleaning obsessively huh? Almost like...nesting before birth? Bringing your new baby computer home...everything has to be perfect. Reya walking around with it wrapped in bunting, little jiggles and pats, saying "There, there." Being seen with little spit marks on her blouse. "Oh. It's nothing. Just a little spam."

So yeah..Spring. Times flies. I've got to blog about that Out of Africa experience tonight. Ok. See ya.

:::setting blog to run You Tube lullaby

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LREIPfDLYks

Ronda Laveen said...

I don't worry too much about the future. Plan. Don't plan. It's all the same. There is another day-- in this time line or another. Or there wasn't. Or there will be. Or there will be one in a month or two. Infinite infinity.

Reya Mellicker said...

Lori, of course animals plan for the future.

Wow. Thank you for this.

And as I write this, Thursday has indeed arrived. I should practice being more trusting, I should.