Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Trying to Get Slightly Ahead of Myself
The Future (from wikipedia) The future is a time period commonly understood to contain all events that have yet to occur. It is the opposite of the past, and is the time after the ...
It hasn't happened yet, but we count on it, we plan for it in so many ways, hardly ever giving a thought to the reality that the future doesn't actually exist. Interesting, isn't it? We are such quirky creatures. Do other animals wonder about next year? It's hard to imagine.
One of the reasons I love weddings is because they are rituals in which the people involved not only plan for a future, but plan to love each other in that non-existent future. A plan to love, a promise to love, a commitment of the heart - wow. I am always so impressed when anyone has the nerve to do it. I was even surprised when I did it. When people have children, surely that act is based on a belief in a future - a happy future, probably. Wow.
Perhaps it's needless to mention that I have never been much for planning. I don't trust that the future so many others are sure of will ever arrive. It's a big problem for me; I don't think my suspicions about the future have ever really served me well.
But today, with a forwards looking eye, I bought my new computer. It is scheduled to be delivered on Thursday - if there really is a Thursday, that is. I'm actually planning the transition from this old G4 ibook to the new machine, so at some level I must believe that Thursday (at least) will not evaporate into thin air. In a similar vein I met with my colleague to talk about the future of our office space. She invited me to imagine all kinds of configurations.
Spending so much money all at once, based on a belief in the future, has really got me unnerved, not to mention trying to peer into the future of my professional life. Yikes!! I've been jumpy all day, cleaning my room obsessively, etc.
Sometimes I am such a nutcase, even I can hardly believe it. For heaven's sake.