Sunday, June 21, 2009
Is there such a thing as pre-grieving? At least in my case, definitely. This morning Jake tried to jump up on my bed, seemed interested in a squirrel that ran past as we walked, had a totally normal poop and ate his breakfast enthusiastically which means that all the worrying I did yesterday, and all the crying I did between the hours of 3:00 and 5:00 a.m. were a complete waste of time.
Unless there is such a thing as pre-grieving. Is there? Are days like yesterday my opportunity to start preparing for the loss of my dear dog? I did work out in my mind, for instance, exactly what I will say to the vet when that day arrives. Vets are trained to save lives, no matter what, and it's true that if Jake was five years old - or even ten - I would go ahead and let the vets do their thing - expensive tests and such - to try to save him. But Jake (somewhat like the new Aquarian Age) is beyond heroics. He's fourteen which makes him, in dog years, older than God. If he gets sick and doesn't bounce back, at this point, it will be my clue to help him cross over.
But that day is not today, even though I was so sure. Thank you to all of you who left your beautiful comments yesterday. I felt completely supported and encouraged. I'll turn to y'all again when Jake leaves this world, whether that's at the vet's office, or if he simply goes to sleep and doesn't wake up, like my friend Gordon, like that pilot who died mid-flight. If you're listening, God, could you nudge Jake in that direction? Thanks.
Happy Sunday and happy happy solstice - summer or winter, depending on where you are.
Onwards & upwards, oh yeah.