Sunday, June 28, 2009
Ever since I made the appointment to say goodbye to Jake (this coming Tuesday, 10:30 a.m. EDT), he has been showing me, in every way imaginable, that he's ready to go. Every day he develops another awful symptom, becomes less interested in walking, less enthused about eating. He's not even excited about his favorite treat, or he fakes excitement, but then lets the treat drop out of his mouth unchewed. Other things are happening, signposts of his upcoming death, gruesome things I won't explain in detail.
In this way he is showing me that the timing is perfect, neither too early nor too late. Once again he is teaching me, in no uncertain terms, that I'm stronger than I think I am, braver, more capable of unconditional love, and not nearly such a princess as I used to be.
At moments like this, I am so grateful for my meditation practice, for my intimate and ongoing relationship with God, and more grateful than I can express for friends near and far, here and in the "real" world who are making sure I'm supported in this process. I'm in awe, actually, to understand how well loved I am. Wow. Thank you to every one of you who has expressed your sympathies - I feel the crowd gathering on the other side of the bridge, so thanks to all who called in their beloved ancestors to be there for Jake. It really helps.
Everything and everyone dies sometime. I've seen death bring out the worst in people, but in the case of Jake's imminent passing away, all I see is the best in people. I think that means I'm surrounded by the best people. Thanks, Jake, for showing me this beautiful truth.
Don't know if I'll feel like posting tomorrow or Tuesday. I'll figure it out one day at a time. This is the ultimate rite of passage for Jake, of course. For me, it's like walking through fire. That's why I disabled comments for this one post. You understand, yes? I know you do, thank you for that. See y'all on the flip side, OK?