Friday, June 13, 2008
Now I'm NOT saying I'm a sage - no way, not even close, but the verse quoted below, taken from the Tao te Ching rings true. All the acupuncture and major life shifts of late have helped me get underneath my storytelling apparatus. I have been drinking the living water at the source of my personal ongoing plotline (the one that usually runs through my mind in a nonstop loop). I thought my plots were "real", existing in a freestanding state. But no, there is a source, a river that comes up from my subterranean depths. It's a river of insufficient Qi that creates my mental banter.
Just this week I've been realizing that my mother, who of course smoked cigarettes, drank coffee and probably alcohol, and ate horrible 1950's American food while she was pregnant with me, was unable to give me the boost of robust energy I could have used in utero. Not her fault - everyone smoked, etc. in 1953. Still, it didn't do me any good. I was "sickly" as a little girl, which is exactly when the mental habit of worrying began. Over time, it became entrenched until worrying seemed normal to me. Though I became healthy as an adult, and am now healthier than I ever was as a girl, the mindset remains. It's all as clear as a bell. Astonishing!
The result of this revelation is that I have no stories to tell myself at the moment. Every time I try to launch into one of my Tales of Personal Doom and Disaster, I see right through it, after which the story evaporates like dust in the wind.
Without my usual anxious gnashing of teeth I've had time to reconnect with friends and dear ones, a Very Good Thing. Yesterday I took a nice long bike ride, visited some of my non human friends, too, like the Washington Monument (he's da bomb!) the fountain at the WWII memorial, and the Potomac River.
What I'm wondering is, once a person gets beneath the grid of storytelling, well, then what? What's a human life without drama? I can't imagine. Can you?
Final Verse from Chapter 38 of the Tao te Ching
So the sage only looks at what is really real
He doesn't just look at the surface
He blows away the dust and drinks the water
He doesn't just go for the flower
But also for the roots and fruit
Blow away the dust, now:
Come to the living water.