Once upon a time, I was attracted to the heroic religions, and why not? Heroic traditions appealed to my fearful heart. In Judaism we believe that we can heal what's broken in the world. We have a special word for it, Tikkun. Christians believe that one man saved the world by way of his innate divinity but also because he was willing to sacrifice himself for the sake of everyone else. In Reclaiming we were going to save the planet with our magic and political action. In the Mongolian shamanic tradition I'm still a part of, we fight demons and retrieve souls. The heroics in these traditions go on and on.
"I've never been 'empty like a valley,'" I said to the Sufi acupuncturist a few weeks ago after reading some Taoist poetry he keeps in his waiting room. His response (after he stopped laughing at me) was that everyone can find emptiness if they look deeply enough. He said, "There are a lot of levels. Go deeper." And so I have.
Underneath the sincere wish to save the world, (but - does it need saving?) underneath the heroics, sacrifice, the longing for Tikkun, under the ambitions - to be "powerful" (whatever that means), to convince other people to believe the same way, to change the course of history with magic, underneath the din of the battles with demons, I've located a quiet space of calm in which everything is fine exactly as it is.
Of course I'm still ambitious enough to believe I can make small changes in my own heart, and thereby become a "better" person (again - whatever that means). But I no longer harbor the delusion that my life is about saving the planet. Little things like remembering to be kind, letting go of my urge to judge others, cultivating a sense of awe and curiosity, and paying attention to what is actually going on (as opposed to what I wish was going on) - these are the things that matter to me these days.
My hat is off to all the heroes - you GO, great heroes, and save the world. I salute you! When you return from your adventures, I'll make you a cup of tea. OK? Oh yeah!
9 comments:
I love this post. It speaks to me as I try not to set lofty goals for myself. When all is said and done, happiness indeed comes from just sitting still and breathing in and out (in that empty space the Sufi acupuncturist says we all have). You have come a long way down the path of enlightenment.
Thanks, Barbara! I think I have. But it's not the part about coming far that matters, it's the fact that I've located a place of PEACE in my own heart. Never knew I had it in me! Oh yeah!!
Life is good.
And there's so MUCH of it!
Not to mention so MANY!
And there's fullness and emptiness every day. What a treat.
happy solstice, bunny!
Thank you, Pandora! It's a very fine solstice for me.
Life IS good - and I am grateful.
open hearts enhances grateful feelings.... happy that life is good for sweet reya!
"Little things like remembering to be kind, letting go of my urge to judge others, cultivating a sense of awe and curiosity, and paying attention to what is actually going on (as opposed to what I wish was going on)"
I think these things DO help save the world. Or at least nudge it in the right direction.
Thanks, Moonroot. i do, too. But it's not heroic. To save the world that way, everyone has to become involved which means no one is the hero. Though probably not likely to happen to our cantankerous species, it is something to aim for.
Reya, could I love you any more than I already do? I'll look forward to that cup of tea.
I'll put the kettle on. xx
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