Monday, July 25, 2011

In process


Both pics today were taken in the Chelsea neighborhood of NYC.

What is inspiration anyway? I've been thinking about it. Literally the word means to breathe in. Yeah.

A couple of weeks ago I experienced the mother ship of inspirations, not the happy a-ha type, more like the holy fucking christ! variety, you know what I mean? At the time I referred to this experience as a revelation, as in: the curtain was pulled aside to reveal something I knew, but had never made conscious. It was a revelation so shocking that I gasped, which meant I inadvertently breathed it in. Hence an unhappy revelation became an unhappy inspiration. Bloody hell. Once it was inside me, there was no choice but to begin to work with it, which is what I've been up to ever since. I wonder if it's ever possible to experience a revelation, but then move on, without taking it in. Ya think?

I'm sorry to be so vague about this revelation - it was a stale, leftover, previously unexamined truth about my terrible marriage, not worth repeating here.

My point is, inspiration does not always arrive with a smile; it is not always an OH WOW moment. Hence, sometimes being uninspired is a GOOD THING, or a relief, something like that. Sometimes. Also I'm thinking that just as with divine light, inspiration is best taken in small tokes rather than in one big bong hit, as it were.

The good news is, I'm working my way through this insight, digesting and integrating. Meanwhile nothing new has occurred to me, which might be why I feel uninspired, yet content. Life is pleasant, if uninspired, at the moment. I'm good with that, I am!

Happy Monday. Shalom.

17 comments:

C.M. Jackson said...

you inspire all of your readers..keep writing and dreaming..

Lizzy Frizzfrock said...

I like "one big bong hit"; gosh, I wish I'd come up with that one.

To be truthful I would never have referred to such an experience as an inspiration although after your explanation I realize I've had disturbing realizations (er, revelation that was an unhappy inspiration) about my previous marriage. My aha moment... "what was I thinking?" then trying to move on to practice my belief that "we learn from our mistakes and must move forward". Sometimes it's a difficult pill to swallow. I'm vague as well, but then some things should be left in the shadows of vagueness.

California Girl said...

I know what you mean about those revelations coming through years after the fact. They may not be pleasant but they are instructive. I've come to understand the stupid ass or unkind things I did when I was younger. I can finally stop beating myself over the head for them. Finally.

Whitney Lee said...

The hardest for me is when the revelation reveals something about me that I'm not proud of...recently I realized that one of the reasons I couldn't define how I felt about someone is because I wanted it all to be black and white, as in, everything she had done was wrong because that meant everything I had done was right. Not my proudest moment but at least I'm waffling less about my feelings-I'm accepting all those shades of gray.
The heat and humidity have zapped me of all my oomph. I just want to lay on the sofa and read...If it weren't for the kids I'd indulge myself!

Reya Mellicker said...

California girl - thank god. Self-flagellation is highly overrated!

Whitney maybe at nap time you can lie on the couch for awhile. I too am zapped. It will be hOt tomorrow but they say nOt as humid. May it be so!

ellen abbott said...

Hey, content but uninspired is good. You need those calm waters, drifting along with the current or tide, sometimes.

Elizabeth said...

Stuff that is difficult to face can knock you for a loop.
That and the weather. I really like it that you explore these things and wrestle with them......
yes, inspiration may come from all sorts of places.

Extra cool photos.

jeanette from everton terrace said...

I've had 2 kind of "OH!" moments this year. I'll try to remember to tell you about them when we hopefully meet in September.

Jo said...

I see no truth as yet unexamined as stale. It's certainly significant enough to have affected you deeply.

You are working your way through this insight at last. Well done!

Does it really matter how long these revelations have been delayed in surfacing, as long as we address them when they finally appear?

I say just keep moving forward, dear friend. Sometimes we have to look into our past in order to do that.

Reya Mellicker said...

I know you're right Jo.

Jeannette - really looking forward to meeting in sept. Very much. I'll remind you, I promise.

steven said...

the bigger the distance the better the perspective. so i like getting older but it comes with a price - the experience of perspective and that allows for stuff to gain context and value where before it was just chucked off with all the other crap that i didn't want anything to do with. but it shows up and kerblam! it has to say its piece and get dealt with and too bad for the piece about welcoming the future because first comes the past which is quietly affecting the present. so best to deal with it and clear the path for what needs to come next says i reya!!!

Pam said...

So true about the bigger the distance the better the perspective. I think it's why so many younger ones feel lost and confused.
I think these are the good years we should grab, where many things start to make sense, before the seniors years where things don't any more! That last sentiment was supposed to be funny by the way, not depressing!
Come to think of it, when I'm on my last legs, I'd like to go out with "one big bong hit" of inspiration, rather than a feeble little expiration of stale air.
Loved your "one big bong hit" analogy. Made me chuckle!!

janis said...

oh Reya~
I really so get you.
You make me smile even when I probably should not...
you are amazing...
you are inspiring..
& I so love ya!

Reya Mellicker said...

Going out on a big bong hit of inspiration? That sounds just right.

Janis, I'm glad you appreciate me, even when I do not understand why.

Cyndy said...

I love the "one big bong hit" analogy - that's hilarious! And it's cool the way the building snakes along the edge of the car in the upper photo. Your inspiration comes in all kinds of different shapes and sizes... and substances!

Pauline said...

just remember to breathe...

Reya Mellicker said...

Thanks, Pauline. It really worked!