Sincere regret (at least according to my cosmology) leads to insights of the perhaps not so comfortable but oh-so-valuable type. After that, regret brings the ability to make amends, ask for (or bestow) forgiveness, and then? Move on.
So how does a person know when to stop exploring? When does the healing act of walking through regret become unproductive? As my friend Jo of the blog Smiling Heart would say, it's tricky. I know people who walk around all day like hung dogs, feeling bad about everything, others (including myself) who can at times get so caught up in exploration that we forget life is passing by.
This is going to sound like a non-sequitar, but it isn't - at least for me. I just looked out the window. It has started to snow, just now I think. Big, fluffy, beautiful white flakes of snow are falling on Washington DC. Snow is cleansing, snow is beautiful. Snow (this snow, I mean) is so graceful and fluffy. Today's snow says chill out, smile, relax. The snow is my clue that I've spent sufficient time with this specific set of regrets, and that I can now let go, move on. Ahhhh.
This is one of the reasons I love living in a city in which there are four seasons - the weather here explains everything. I talk to the world of seasons and weather, to the green world and the dead, my ancestors and guides. Not surprisingly, they all talk back. What I'm trying to say is that there is so much wisdom and guidance available for those of us willing to partake.
I love getting inside my heart and mind, poking around, searching for understanding - even in the less than comfortable places. When it's time to move on, something outside of myself will always remind me - a gust of wind, the sun coming out from behind a cloud, or a beautiful sunset.
A beautiful clean white snow shower in Washington DC is saying to me, Doucement. It's saying, Stop now, Reya. Enough.
OK. Onwards & upwards. Shalom.
12 comments:
Snow, wind, a break in the clouds, mellow sunshine, even tempests, send us messages. Isn't it wonderful to have ears that hear?
Oh yeah. I wish I listened more often!
That's the part I have trouble with, knowing when I've berated myself enough and can let go.
Graceful and fluffy snow saying, "Chill out, smile, relax." I love this, as I love the idea of talking to the "world of seasons".
Rather like a prayer which has led you to the insight to let it rest.
Thank you for sharing with us your process for seeking peace and dealing with regret. It's exquisite.
another box canyon that slows, even stops the connection to life ongoing is the world of wish i may wish i might which has at times carried tremendous weight for this human. i'd say that the most liberating moments of my life have been wrapped inside the experience of forgiveness. of myself, others who have gone before, others i have lived alongside. we are who we are and dropping the expectation that people need to be who we need them to be (including our own selves!) has been the best piece of letting go in the big book of wish i may wish i mights that i have written in the course of my life! happy dc day reya!! steven
When you said, "Stop now, Reya. Enough," it made me think of the scene in Love Actually where the character of Peter finally comes clean with Keira Knightley's character about being in love with her through a sort of presentation he makes to her. Which made me think about how helpful rituals can be in giving a finale, a sense of closure, to a process.
Looking out the window at the snow doesn't seem like a non sequitur to me at all. It made me think of God's answer to Job, which has always seemed to me that it's about paying attention to the Creation as the answer to suffering.
Peace, Reya.
Thank goodness for this bleak, calm time of year to reflect on things quietly.
Do come to NY
oxox
Polly YES exactly.
Ellen to me regret is not about berating myself and Steven it isn't about wishing "what if." It's what Dana said yesterday - "OK that wasn't my most shining moment. Now what can I learn from what happened?"
How great to "get" the signals that say, enough now - turn outward again in simplicity and gratitude. Clean, new snow does have that feeling for me - but not the harsh sideways-blowing stinging stuff that we've had most recently.
Beautiful post, Reya.
Thanks for these posts... Yes, it's tricky. Having learned guilt thoroughly from a Catholic childhood, it used to be hard for me to distinguish it from regret, but your posts have helped me think about that. Maybe regret allows for enlightenment about the situation in the past and the ability to learn from it, while guilt just wants the person to feel bad and afraid. Hm... At least it seems that way to me...
And thanks for the reminder that those external things can be a signal, an invitation. Lovely. I am so grateful for having learned, the past five or so years, to listen to the voices all around me!
Peace & hugs!
P.S. The Lakota also believe that snow is cleansing... as harsh as the winter can be out there, they are thankful for the powers of white coming down from the north to make everything new and fresh for the new year (which they celebrate on the first day of spring).
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