Saturday, August 23, 2008
You are what you eat.
All my prayers of request in recent weeks have centered around my longing to dissolve connections with anything that reinforces my bad habits. By clearing these connections I hope to move onwards and upwards towards happiness (whatever that means) and also towards a more peaceful and interesting life. The work with soul retrieval has convinced me that bad habits weaken the connection to soulfulness. Heading into old age, I want a profound connection to soul. Sure enough, all kinds of connections have dissolved, almost all of them spontaneously without any effort on my part.
The Sufi acupuncturist has been messing with my energy in a purposeful way, too, to dissolve bad habits around eating and drinking. He says that in order to change on a constitutional level, some people need to work on the breath. Others need to change the way they think. But the physiognomy of my face indicates that I have to change the way I eat.
Obsolete, at this point, is my habit of eating Clif bars for breakfast. As the acupuncturist points out, Clif bars are not food. My ex used to call them "virtual food." These days, even a bite of a Clif bar makes me so queasy. It's shocking since I've depended on Clif bars for many years. The story I told myself was that they "worked" as breakfast food. Now I'm not sure they ever did, but one thing I know for certain is that they don't work anymore.
I'm more susceptible than ever to the impact of alcoholic beverages. In fact last night I tried to drink a manhattan, one of my favorite cocktails. It tasted like poison to me. Coffee, too, tastes bad - even Peets, my very favorite. And most shocking of all, I haven't eaten dark chocolate in more than a week.
Be careful what you pray for. This period of time, this healing crisis, is harrowing on many levels. Yikes!