Tuesday, August 12, 2008


Today for the first time a waiter made little old lady jokes while taking my lunch order. At first I was surprised, since (like all aging people) I still feel young inside. Later I got slightly irritated, but at least he was being friendly. And he was no spring chicken himself, so I don't believe he was trying to insult me on purpose.

Someone wrote about how, in our fifties, women become invisible. Can't remember where I read it, but it's so true. Truth is, there are great advantages to invisibility - men don't stare at me like they used to, (never did I enjoy the leering, not ever!), kids and teenagers on the Metro are more polite, maybe because I look like their grandmother. It could be worse, I suppose.

So much about aging is a blessing, I mean that! But certain bits are humbling. Is that a good thing?

To all who think it's cute to tease middle aged women about their age? It isn't. Cease and desist. Thanks.


tut-tut said...

Hmm. I remember my mother saying what a relief it was to be in her 50s, and I have to agree. You can relax in a way that I don't think those under 45ish can really, into themselves. I was just thinking about how a friend who is 40 sees others, and it's without that 10 years that really gives a true ability to take oneself out of the mix to see the other person as they are. Interesting.

Adrianne said...

Age is an interesting thing. For some people, like my parents, who believe that getting older necessarily means being sick and feeble, age must feel like some kind of curse. But for you, my Reya, who are so blessed with good health and vitality and such incredible wisdom and breadth of perspective, age is truly a blessing -- both for you and for all the rest of us who benefit so richly from your presence. That waiter was a boob -- don't let his ignorance and insensitivity get to ya!

lacochran's evil twin said...

The waiter was an idiot. I'm thinking he was trying to be charming and wound up being an ass instead. You are a young vibrant woman who doesn't look her age.

Janelle said...

sod the waiter! poor chap. he needs to learn . . xx janelle

Lynne said...

My Mom at age 80 was always saying that every time she looked in the mirror she didn't know who the wrinkled woman she saw there was. She said it was a cruel joke to feel one age inside and look another on the outside.

Love the photo. Love the light and shadow with the gate.

The waiter must have been flirting maybe? Surely he wasn't serious?

Reya Mellicker said...

lachochran's evil twin is right - he was an idiot. No big deal.

Thanks my Adrianne and Janelle I love "SOD THE WAITER." Oh yeah!!

Barbara said...

I want to be the one to decide when the O word applies, not some goof who doesn't even know me! I have not experienced this sort of poor humor, but I have sensed a deference that I actually like. Politeness becomes age!

Steve said...

What on earth did the waiter say?? I can't imagine a situation that would call for a waiter making a joke about age. That's appalling.

My mother used to complain about becoming "invisible" when she reached middle age. She always said men would rush to hold doors for her when she was young, and when she hit 40 they began slamming them in her face. (My mother tends to be a bit dramatic.) Now she's 71, and she no longer complains -- I guess she's mellowed!

rothko said...

First rule of waiting tables ... never joke about a woman's age. Actually, I think that's at least in the top five rules of life.

deborah said...

Your Mama said that with age one became invisible--she also said that when she got old she would put on a little flowered dress and raise Cain.

I bounce all around on the subject of age.

Really hate not being as physically strong as I have been my whole life. Love being even less involved (hard to believe) with how I look.

Since I've let my hair go completely natural--people keep asking me where I go it "streaked" and tell me it is "glamorous" like Dorothy Lamour (you youngsters just look it up).

Jokes? Only the ones that Hannah posts. Such as, "When I became a young woman, people would tell me, 'you are becoming a young woman' and now? People never tell me what I am becoming. . . I am becoming my father." Made me laugh for days.

Adrianne speaks for me.

Much love!

Anonymous said...

I still get called "young lady" on occasion, even though I am 49. And I know when people say I don't look my age, they mean it as a compliment. But sometimes I wonder "Why is that a compliment?" Really? Because it implies that looking younger than your age is better? And why is that? How am I "supposed" to look at age 49?


Reya Mellicker said...

Salima you speak for me. What's wrong with looking your age? It's so weird.

Steve, when I ordered my glass of wine, the waiter looked at me condescendingly and said, "Now you know you have to be 21 to order liquor, don't you?" He almost called me "honey" - ewwww!

Deborah almost everyone loves my hair now, too. Go figure.