Monday, November 26, 2007

White Knuckles



Thanksgiving weekend is over ... thank God! Two more holidays to go and I'm home free until next Halloween.

My plan to enjoy Thanksgiving was a solid one, and it's true that the weekend was much better than years past when I worked like a dog to the exclusion of all other activities, something that just made me feel resentful. Forcing myself to have fun, my determination to relax, even the Hugh Grant movies certainly improved the experience, but ...

But what? By yesterday afternoon I realized how exhausted I was from my efforts to Do It Right. No matter how nice I was to myself, still I was sad and lonely all weekend. I tried so hard to feel at home, in the right place. I tried with all my might to relax and enjoy the time off, to remember that I'm well loved and well regarded, that I'm really not such a freak after all. I worked hard, alright. And now I'm knackered!

Don't get me wrong - this past weekend was a million times better than it might have been, oh yeah! I'm not complaining, really! I'm very thankful to all the wonderful people I spent time with, to the tuna who gave his life so I could have a delicious dinner on Thursday, and to the gentle weather, falling leaves, clear sunshine and fleecy overcasts that made being outside such a pleasure.

It's possible that the problem I have with the holidays is not something that can be fixed. Maybe I'll refrain from trying so hard at Christmas, just let the day be what it is. Will that help? We shall see.

16 comments:

Barbara said...

Is Steve's influence taking you in a new direction (photo-wise)? You could easily caption this "Post 9/11" and it would apply to most anything of significance here in the nation's capital.

Momentary Academic said...

Post vacation is an interesting time, isn't it. I hid in the movie theater. :)

lettuce said...

yes - another great Steve-esque picture! tho also Reya-esque.

trying to relax - its possible sometimes i think, but easy to forget to breathe...

Jack said...

Hi R.,
I've always thought, when I dropped in to sneakily observe how you were seeing your life, that your photos were the best part - so crisp, elemental, and filled with light. Like you, in other words, except for the crisp part. Love to you. Jack

Pandora said...

Sometimes it's useful to go INTO the blues; not for a long time, no, no, but still -- I liked your plan, but sometimes things are deep.

I'm looking forward to the report from the midwinter holidays -- it'll be interesting to see what you end up doing, and how it works.

much love from Pittsburgh, honey!

Reya Mellicker said...

Steve and I share an interest in shadows that existed before we ever met online or in real life. If he had seen this fence, his version would no doubt have been quite different. We share a wavelength definitely. The fence, I should say, is in place so that the grass can grow again in the park - it isn't a security barricade. I thought it was yin-yang-y.

Jack, is that you? The real you? I wasn't allowed to look at your blogger profile, damn it!

Anonymous said...

Hi Reya,

I was feeling lonely and Googled names of friends whom I haven't had contact with in ages. Just to see.

And there you were.

The Gold Poppy, your blog, had just ceased to be. I read only a little, but was blown away by your exquisite photographs. You're still looking at things.

The image of your dog's reflection in the Honda is just amazing in so many ways.

Anyway. I hope you are well. You're creating and still generous, I can tell.

Your old friend,
jimmy hammer

Reya Mellicker said...

Jim, please email me: reyasdottir@verizon.net. Would love to catch up. Please?

Jack said...

The real me? Hmmmm... No blogger profile because I didn't create one - just wanted to quickly say "Hi" - did you ever receive the email I sent with a faded pic of you on Columbia Road so long ago?

Lynne said...

Sometimes you can try too hard to make everything "just so." It is very tiring and taxing. Just give in to letting it be what it will be even though it's difficult and see what happens. I'm not looking forward to the holidays this year either ...

xx, Reya!

Ladron de Basura (a.k.a. Junk Thief) said...

That sounds like it was a good walk. If you ever get back to SF, we could stroll the Mission and Bernal to retrace your old stomping grounds.

Absolute Vanilla (and Atyllah) said...

Beautiful, beautiful photos.
As for holidays, I suspect you and I might share similar feelings about them. I'm learning that one simply has "to be" with them - not try to hard, not work to hard, try to make them into another weekend.

WW said...

Hey Reya,

Yeah, holidays are quixotic things...some go by quietly, with little fuss and stir, while others rumple and poke, causing chaos and quandary. Hope your Solstice is warm and enhancing.
Hugs,
Wordwitch

d. chedwick bryant said...

Reya, you see things in glass that I rarely noticed until I met you, and I always enjoyed reflections...Now I paymuch more attention--

I was always into shadows though, the length and sometimes the movement, pale shadows, deep shadows, they change, the sun can control them.

Hope to see you way before May!

Moonroot said...

Reya, I have the perfect solution to your Thanksgiving problem - next year, come visit us here in Wales! We don't celebrate Thanksgiving in the UK so you can escape and I will pamper you here until it's all over and then you can return in safety! Of course, we *do* have Christmas/New Year, so I'm afraid I can't offer sanctuary from that...

Reya Mellicker said...

Moonroot - you are ON. That sounds like the best Thanksgiving in the world!