Monday, November 26, 2007
Thanksgiving weekend is over ... thank God! Two more holidays to go and I'm home free until next Halloween.
My plan to enjoy Thanksgiving was a solid one, and it's true that the weekend was much better than years past when I worked like a dog to the exclusion of all other activities, something that just made me feel resentful. Forcing myself to have fun, my determination to relax, even the Hugh Grant movies certainly improved the experience, but ...
But what? By yesterday afternoon I realized how exhausted I was from my efforts to Do It Right. No matter how nice I was to myself, still I was sad and lonely all weekend. I tried so hard to feel at home, in the right place. I tried with all my might to relax and enjoy the time off, to remember that I'm well loved and well regarded, that I'm really not such a freak after all. I worked hard, alright. And now I'm knackered!
Don't get me wrong - this past weekend was a million times better than it might have been, oh yeah! I'm not complaining, really! I'm very thankful to all the wonderful people I spent time with, to the tuna who gave his life so I could have a delicious dinner on Thursday, and to the gentle weather, falling leaves, clear sunshine and fleecy overcasts that made being outside such a pleasure.
It's possible that the problem I have with the holidays is not something that can be fixed. Maybe I'll refrain from trying so hard at Christmas, just let the day be what it is. Will that help? We shall see.