Thursday, October 25, 2007

Ch-Ch-Changes



I've been thinking a lot about commitment lately, what does that word really mean, what do people think when they hear it or say it, why is commitment an idea that is so emotionally charged? Is commitment no more than the decision to carry on with the same pattern (no matter what the pattern is) rather than shifting into a different pattern? The word itself always seems so fraught with superiority, like people who make commitments are better than people who don't. I think that's so weird, but then again, maybe I just don't get it.

For instance, has it been a commitment on my part to have stayed in this house for six and a half years, or am I still here because moving would require so much work and risk? It's an interesting question. Should say: I'm glad I'm still here. I'm comfortable and our household routines mostly work, though yesterday I visited someone who lives in the cutest loft apartment. Seeing her place made me wonder if some other living configuration might be a better fit, in which case my "commitment" to living here wouldn't serve the greater good in any way.

I can't help but contemplate making changes; it's my feng shui, my life's path. If you know astrology, you'll understand that having my natal Pluto in my first house of self, opposing both my sun and moon in the 7th house of relationship is a pretty good sign that change, transformation, and the reinvention of who I am and who I'm in relationship with, is the story of my life. I was born at the darkest of the dark moon, a few hours before a solar eclipse. I'm a Chinese dragon, too. The gestalt of reinvention and rebirth into ever-changing identities goes on and on wherever you look in my charts, numbers and so forth. It's just who I am.



You could say I made a lifetime commitment to change and transformation from somewhere out in the astral, before I was born, setting myself up for continual reinventions. Is that a paradox - or worse - an oxymoron?

One change I'm working on for the rest of 2007 is an attempt to enjoy the holiday season this year. I've been asking myself why I so loathe and dread the time between Halloween and New Year's. There are So. Many. Reasons. I can't address all of them, but there are some things I can do to ease up, at least on myself. I can make some changes that might open up a space in which there's a possibility to trade in my Bah Humbug attitude for something less cranky. Doesn't that sound like a good idea? Will it work? We shall see!

7 comments:

Momentary Academic said...

I'm going to try to enjoy this season as well. I'll be right there with you! Cheers.

Absolute Vanilla (and Atyllah) said...

I've been trying to trade in my bah-humbug attitude to this time too - sometimes it's worth it, other times bah humbug still comes out on top.

Re commitments - I think we are just so in love with labeling things - rather than just allowing ourselves to be! :-)

Gary said...

Excellent musings my darling Reya! Commitments are praised and there are judgements that go along with them. I have had this discussion (argument) with a friend who thinks less of me because I never bought a house! As if my commitment to teaching or my family, or a relationship or my education are less important. Isn't that odd?

Lynne said...

LOVE! the photos!
I feel I have too many commitments and they just tend to bog you down; both mentally and physically.
Change is good though, whether a change of residence or a change in mindset. :)

Speaking of commitments, my husband recently read Blood & Thunder. One quote (which I can't remember exactly) that he shared with me was when a general in the US Army was trying to convince an Indian/Native American to settle down and live in a town. He came back with a reply that said basically, why should he make himself a slave to his possessions like the white man when he was free.

Barbara said...

Bah-humbug is definitely swimming upstream. It's much easier to just go with the flow, even if you hate the food and the traditions. But then, some counter-culture traditions like movies and Chinese food on Christmas day aren't really so bad.

Reya Mellicker said...

The rain is falling outside, I'm having a quick cup of tea before I go to work, and I am LOVING these provocative ideas from you all.

I love people who make me think. Thank you!

lettuce said...

this made me think too.

i think may be "good" commitments (like good traditions) are ones which are comfortable with change - change being part of life, and commmitment should be about life and living....

praps maybe...