Saturday, April 14, 2012

Grist for the Mill

Everybody has one; a wound that cuts deep. It's something that's not possible to cure, yet isn't serious enough to be fatal. Dealing with these wounds is a part of every human life. I'm not sure how to refer to this phenomena. I wonder if there is an official name for it. It can be anything - a physical limitation or incapacity, or lifelong ailment - inherited or whatever, some problem with the mind/heart, i.e. mental illness. It can involve circumstances in the environment of the individual, a history of trauma of one kind or another, heartbreak, loss, success. It's hard to pin down where it will come up, but at the end of the day what I see is that everyone has a wound they struggle with throughout their lives, never triumphing over it but neither are they defeated.

In the best of circumstances, it's from working with the essential core wound that people become wise, kind, compassionate, patient. These issues work on us as we work on them, polishing, grinding us down sometimes, making us smarter if we pay attention. We are such powerful beings, sometimes I wonder if hardship and humbling is necessary in order for us to pay attention. Is suffering necessary for the gathering of wisdom? You tell me, I have no idea.

One thing is for sure - it's universal, this idea of a wound that will not heal, will not kill. Of course I love the King Arthur version of this myth, the story of the Fisher King. I could name several from other times and places. Poor Chiron, for instance. One of my favorite versions is a tale told about Shiva from the Hindu myth cycle. A terrible demon pours poison onto the earth. It is so toxic, it could kill every living creature. Shiva, knowing that swallowing the poison will kill him, nevertheless drinks the toxic brew, holding it in his throat without swallowing, for ETERNITY, saving himself and the world. In this state they say he sits in peaceful meditation until the end of Kaliyuga.

Bloody hell, that Shiva is something else, hey? Whoa.

I'm realizing, about this latest bout with my personal fisher king wound, that acceptance and soothing is the best option at this point in life. I've worked valiantly to heal this thing completely since young adulthood. I'm so glad I tried so hard. You wouldn't believe how many years I spent exploring it in therapy. I have a very thorough understanding of it, but, it's still there. It's essential, it's in my blood and bones. I am ready at long last to stop trying to work through it. Instead I will endeavor to make space for it, so it doesn't encumber me during the decade of my 60s. It's a worthy goal!

Does the above sound negative? I'm not feeling that at all. I'm practicing patience with myself, also receiving a LOT of acupuncture, dreaming and drawing on the ipad. Is it helping? Well - ask my brainstem, please. My mind has no idea. That's probably for the best! Shalom.


X said...

Love the two sister photos of railing and shadow of railingo reminds me of lyour cloud photo from a few days ago. Is it the thing itself we are looking at or a shadow of the thing itself, is it the wound or our memory of the wound that we are working on. The images themselves are lovely as usual, and adds another dimension to your words, of course

The Cranky Crone, she lives alone! said...

No not at ALL negative, infact makes me feel happy for you. Acceptance it sounds like, and more peace. As you say it is always there, as it is an intrisic part of us, and yes I also think it is why we are who we are, empathetic, caring and hopefully not quick to judge, especially ourselves, excuse me why I chuckle at the last one.
Every thing is cyclical, stuff comes and goes, sometimes more urgent and sometimes just floating by our peripheral sight.
If you feel this is the time to rest and float, instead of swimming against the tide, then you go for it and relax in the knoweledge that it is the best thing for you, now.
You gotta grab any peace and contentment, where and when you find it.
nameste xxx

Angela said...

Strange though, that while everyone has it, we all feel alone with our wound - yes, you are right in this, Reya, no one seems to be without one. I have never looked at it from this angle, but I see that my own wound (you know which) has accompanied me through my life, too. And working with it, I think I have learned to be more patient and understanding. I did never think that THIS was the cause, though.

Reya Mellicker said...

Incredible comments! X I had no idea the images were so perfect - wow - is it the shadow or the "real" thing?

Oh and yes yes we feel alone with these essential issues. Hell yeah.

Thank you!

X said...

Conscious or unconscious eh? this world or the ones before or after, I erred by posing it as opposite choices, it's really a continuum, a prism.

Pauline said...

I think being willing to stop trying to work through something and make space for it instead, is a wise step. There are griefs that won't leave nor wil they be assuagd, but to make space for them allows you to heal around them and in a way, honor them. Love this post.

Reya Mellicker said...

Thank you, Pauline. I feel a peacefulness around this issue that I've never experienced before. Thank you. Yes.