At the end of my work day yesterday, I walked the circuit around Lincoln Park, snapped a few pics of the sunset. I did not engage with anyone, not humans, or dogs, or birds, not even the trees. A brief wave at the Cloud People was all I had the wherewithall to manage. After that I closed and locked the front door to the chateau, spent the evening blissfully alone.
Sometimes - even still - I wonder why, in this lifetime, I was not able to successfully partner. Sometimes I blame myself, feel defective, lonely and such because of my spinsterhood. But after a busy week like last week I can see underneath the self-blame. Truth is, I was built for solitude. Being single keeps me healthy and happy. This is actually not a defect. Hmm.
Last night I slept long and hard, dreamed many dreams. When I finally woke up this morning, the thought came to me that when I don't get enough time to recharge away from the realm of others, my brain gets brittle. All that grey goo inside my skull shrivels, dries out. I "saw" my brain, huddled in the corner of my skull, shivering, shrunken and puny. I'm sure this is not literally true, but metaphorically? Oh yeah.
This morning my brain feels bouncy, plump, juicy and ready for a day spent with people I love among the magnificent trees at the National Arboretum. The weather in DC is supposed to be perfect; highs in the upper 60s today with abundant sunshine.
Looking forward to re-engaging with the world of humans today, in a limited way, since mostly we will be hanging out with trees. Who doesn't love a big ole convo of trees? I mean really!
6 comments:
ye'uh,,"I mean really",,,me too. /Thanks for passing it on. Solitude IS good for recharging sometimes and I am glad you got plugged in.
Thanks, Glenn!
Reya, I absolutely know where you're coming from. Even though I am lately partnered, I enjoy and require my solitude. I think all my family members, to some degree, are lone wolves.
What you're doing today sounds like a perfect balance between togetherness & solitude. I hope you have a great day.
Being single is definitely not a defect as far as I'm concerned. I know that my life would be very much easier if I were single. Although I really enjoy all of the people in my life and wouldn't trade them for anything, I go absolutely nuts when I don't get enough alone time, and I seem to need more of it than most people do, for the same reasons that you do.
i love to give and receive space reya. it's not that much work really. as for success in partnerships - i don't count time as a descriptor of success. i've known people for a very very short amount of time and those relationships were truly good. some that have stretched over lengthy periods have been les than stellar! steven
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