Monday, March 5, 2012

Stop this bus, I need to get off!

DISCLAIMER: I know I always blame my non-existent pre-natal kidney jing for being such a wimp (thank you, Sufi acupuncturist, for giving me that excuse). I'm about to do so again.

I'm looking forward to a normal day today. I'll post to the blogs, then get the chateau ready for clients this afternoon. After work, I'll pick up some stuff from the dry cleaners, make some dinner, hang out. Good lord last week was a magical mystery tour! It's good to get back to a more recognizable rhythm.

My question to y'all who have kids is, how the HELL did you do it? I am in awe of each and every one of you, honestly I am.

One thing I'm contemplating this morning is the deep well of gratitude I have for the wisdom I always possessed, since I was a child, that I wasn't built for motherhood. Never once in all my reproductive years did I wish to be pregnant nor did I long to hold a baby in my arms. Never! Not even for a minute. It's amazing to think about.

I can be nurturing - definitely! Mama Gaia Reya is a supreme nurturer. I love to cook and feed people, and yes indeed I enjoy seeing my beloveds enjoying the food I've prepared. I believe these traits are in some way attached to the maternal instinct. And I have nothing against young people. Some I like, some I don't, which is exactly how I feel about adults. I've befriended many a kid, but I never wanted my own. I had my tubes tied when I was 23 years old, incredible to think about now, how I knew - I just KNEW - it was right. The doctor tried to talk me out of it. At the time I was fiercely annoyed, but looking back now I don't blame him. I've never regretted that decision, not even for a second. That truth is kind of incredible, even to me.

The prevailing notion, that all women are made to have children, is a bit mysoginistic. OK, yes we are all equipped with the necessary organs, just as all of us with two legs and two arms can play basketball. But if you're 5'2" and roly poly, maybe you should play the clarinet or study physics, leave basketball to others, hey?

Some of us women have the equipment, but not the desire, for kids. Some of us have such piss poor kidney jing that the rigors of parenthood would have been crushing in some way or another. A sickly mom is not a great idea, nor is an endlessly depressed mother. I have a sense I would have been both. Poor kids! Poor dad! Poor me. Ah thank God it never came to pass.

Once upon a time I would have had kids, because all women did if they could. I would have been one of those dark and creepy moms who always appear in books from the 19th century and before, probably would have taken to my bed by age 30, remained there for the rest of my days. Women used to do that, you know, go to bed and stay for decades.

Fortunately I was born at the perfect historical moment, not only because birth control became widely available in the U.S. just as I came of age, but also because at that moment, it was socially acceptable not to have kids. I thank God with all my heart for the fortunate timing of my life. Thanks, God!

I worry for women coming of age right now. Our reproductive rights are being curtailed in so many ways. I wonder why? Rush Limbaugh should be hospitalized, he is a very sick man. What is up with the men in Virginia and elsewhere who want women to have ultrasounds before abortion, and the Republican senators who did not allow women to testify about birth control - just men? Their behavior is hateful. It would be a very scary time to come of age.

My heart goes out to women of reproductive age who don't have money or resources. May they somehow miraculously prevail!


Angela said...

I am reading about these Republican senators and cannot believe it! The land of the Free? With justice and liberty for all? Just not for women?
Who will stop them? Can`t you write a flaming article in a Republican newspaper, Reya? Or get Adrianne to talk to the right people? I am truthfully shaking my head.
No, no woman should be forced to become a mother if she is not made for it. What good would it do to the children? You are very sensible, and I wish these men could learn from you.

ellen abbott said...

I think it's going to take a lot of noise and a lot of standing up. If no one opposes them they will continue unabated. We watched them add restriction after restriction to abortion access. Are we going to be passive while they make birth control unavailable too?

Steve Reed said...

It's so interesting you wrote about this -- just today I was talking to my stepsister about my lifelong lack of desire for children! We're sharing that wavelength again, Reya! :)

Agreed re. Rush Limbaugh -- he is an ill individual. His hatred is pathological. The anti-abortion movement has really run amok.

Reya Mellicker said...

Steve I LOVE being on a wavelength with you!

Cyndy said...

I totally know what you mean Reya. I think I knew all along that I would not have kids, in spite of the fact that I have always really enjoyed working with them. I don't know why or how I knew this but the feeling was definitely there from an early age.

I often wonder why people continue to suggest that one day I will regret my decision to not have children. What they don't realize is that it wasn't a decision at all. It was simply a lack of a need.