Tuesday, July 30, 2013


I was definitely super-imposed onto the crazy, hilly Franciscan melange that lies beneath the surface in San Francisco. I was there a long time, but somehow never quite belonged. I tried, and I really loved almost all my time on the Barbary Coast, because of the people mostly. But my feet were never at home on that land, not even on Bernal Hill where I walked nearly every day after moving to that neighborhood. (In the Reyaverse, Bernal Hill is the back of a lion. I used to almost sneak up there, go around and tip toe off, hoping the cat wouldn't wake up and devour me.) Hmm.

It's on my mind because this morning, after a night of crazy dreams, the Voice in the Shower at last responded to a question I've asked a million times. The question is, Why DC? Why am I here? 

If you met me, I wonder if you'd think, Oh. She's so DC. Would you? I kind of doubt it.

The answer I "heard" this morning was, You were not photoshopped into the landscape here. You were part of the original image.

That is really interesting. Original such as before the brainiacs, before the Civil War, before the founding fathers, prior to the arrival of the Europeans? Before the Indians? Before photosynthesis when all the continents were part of Pangaia? Seriously, what is the original image?

I do have a powerful connection and relationship with the land here, even the parts I don't like, such as August, or the fact that there are so many bugs and rats. I join the dance of the landscape here. I join in. I'm thinking that's what the Voice meant by saying I was part of the original image. But it would be cool to remember a past lifetime or something. Or to open to a layer of meaning not visible just yet. I'm keeping my mind open.

Sometimes I initially think what the Voice says is really powerful, but later realize it's just stupid. But not this thing. This is worthy of contemplation. What do you think?


kbrow said...

I love when you write about place, and your place in the Federal Swamp.

I could not fit in SF, in spite of my great love for the city. I ached for sun, for summer heat, for some intangible. I tried to love it, but I felt a huge relief when we moved to Davis, after a year by the Bay. Even more relief when, after 7 years, we crossed the river into Sacramento. It wasn't home, but it was a place I enjoyed living.

As a Virginian, when we moved to Arlington, I realized that I had come home. I should have stayed longer, I think. Going to HI, I felt the same ache that I had in SF, and that awful, ungrateful feeling that I should be loving it, but I merely felt cast adrift.

Now, Atlanta is an easy, slower place to be. Welcoming, and it works; that right combination of cosmopolitan city and southern strangeness that feeds me. I feel grounded here. I don't really miss that Beltway Buzz, the way the energy works in the DC area. I was addicted to it when I lived there, and practiced witchcraft within its circle.

Reya Mellicker said...

Incredible thoughts here!

I don't like the buzz. The energy here is ... on the extreme ends of pleasant and unpleasant. The land agrees with me, but I've never really connected with the human factor though that said I have so many wonderful friends here. So many! I am not complaining.

Yes about SF, yes and yes.

Tahoe was a great landscape for me. I loved the mountains and the lake, the smell of those trees, the snowy winters so so SO much. I hiked, roller skated, skiied. I was so happy on the land there.

I keep think about where I should be as an old lady. I don't want to be alone. Am I alone in DC? You tell me.

Reya Mellicker said...

typo apologies

Reya Mellicker said...

"ungrateful feeling that I should be loving it, but I merely felt cast adrift. "

Exactly how I felt about SF.

Steve Reed said...

My hunch is that your hunch is correct -- you join in. After all, what is really ORIGINAL? The Big Bang, I suppose -- maybe.

Pam said...

"...my feet were never at home on that land".
I didn't like where I grew up Reya and I'm back there!
I wonder about pre-destination. When I was around 10 or 11 I dreamed of the physical change to the environment I was growing up in, and mapped it out for my parents right then and there - describing buildings and new roads exactly as they are now. "Sounds very flash" they said. "Urban renewel" was not a term bandied around then, and my described houses beyond comprehension in the early 60's.
I am housed on the outskirts of it now.
I'd rather be elsewhere but it suited my husband.
Since moving here a couple of years ago, he developed a chronic blood cancer condition (CML)which necessitates medical trials in the city and guess what - The Leukaemia Foundation's new medical suites and huge State headquarters are being built a couple of streets away as we speak. I think it was meant to be!
Glad I didn't dream of the CML - some dreams we can do without!

Kerry said...

It is worthy of contemplation, your being in DC. You are in a vortex of power. I love it that you are there, with your meditative nature and healing thoughts. I really enjoy your take on DC. I don't know anybody else like you. Maybe there is some distant connection, or maybe you have bloomed where you planted yourself.

As for being alone, are your friends permanent residents? It seems so. They don't sound like people who breeze in and out of DC, like so many.