Wednesday, November 21, 2012
My mind is always the last to know
I love the word prescience. I love the way it sounds, what it means, and of course the fact that it's a compound word. Pre science. Oh yeah, what isn't to love about the word prescience?
You would think that with the Voice in the Shower, Grandpa and my cadre of spirit guides, plus an astral petting zoo of animal guides, I might show some talent for prescience. But I don't, not at all. I am very slow to understand what the hell is going on until I've had time to sit around thinking and meditating. Sometimes it takes years to really "get" what took place long ago. Prescient? I'm not even present!
In the moment, almost always in my life, I have no clue what is transpiring. I take it all in, and I do mean all. I am "sensitive - too sensitive" as my mother used to say. It's a blessing and a curse. One of the not great parts of being too sensitive is that I am often overwhelmed.
The other thing I do in the moment is bluff. I act like I understand what's happening. Oh the years of practice it took to learn how to make the right facial expressions, mutter "Yeah!" or "Oh no!" or whatever is expected in the moment. In fact my whole life is a lot like contact improv.
One thing I can always connect with in the moment is the energy and my emotional reactions. I can tell if I'm happy, energetic, fearful, or exhausted by what's going on. Understanding comes for me only after reflection - if it comes at all.
I'm trying to see around a corner in time right now, trying to imagine how it might be for me, in a couple of weeks, to be in Kansas City where I'll spend an ample chunk of time with my sister, stand on my mother's grave, meet up with good good friends I haven't seen in forever. I don't have a clue what it's going to be like, how it will look on the flip side. What I will say is I have a good feeling about the trip. It feels right, and even feels happy. Don't ask me to explain why.
One of my dear ones in Kansas City made some great suggestions, such as that I think about renting a hotel room for one of the nights I'm there. She understands very well how much I need my solitude. She also suggested I go see her massage therapist when I'm there. I truly can not imagine a better idea! Wow.
My animal and spirit guides will go with and I'm sure Grandfather Eagle and the dragons will hover nearby as they always do. The Voice in the Shower is everywhere, so I'll be guided well. Thank goodness for that.
Feeling a lot of gratitude today about this upcoming trip, for my ability to take part in the placing of a carved chunk of granite on my mother's grave at last. I have no idea how it will unfold, but I trust I will prevail. In certain ways I've worked years practicing for this moment. It's really big.
Feeling thankful is seasonally appropriate, it surely is!
Life is good and I am grateful. Shalom.