Monday, March 18, 2013

Sri Ram, Jai Ram

One of the things I love about Facebook is that I've been able to reconnect with people from every era of my history. Finding out what other people have been doing all these years, people who were, once upon a time, front and center in my life saga, is very satisfying to my ever curious mind. Old questions about whatever happened to (fill in the blank) have been answered. Those stories can be put to bed, complete at last. Ahhh.

Of course there are still a few people I'm likely never to catch up with either because they aren't on Facebook, are not google-able, or wouldn't friend me for love nor money. I'm thinking about one person, someone who was one of my best friends, who became romantically involved with an ex. Oh the love triangle - it SUCKS. My ex dumped me for my ex friend. It was a bitter break up, for sure. I lost both of them at once.

I knew the story of their three year relationship because after they split up, my ex contacted me, apologized. We had coffee and now we're friends on Facebook. All is well between us. But I haven't seen or heard from the ex almost best friend since the crash and burn of the break up. She lives in the DC suburbs. For the first couple of years after the breakup, I was always looking over my shoulder, afraid we would run into each other on the street. I decided it would be best if we sat down together, not to process the train wreck of the breakup but to put it to rest, but she refused to meet. As the years passed, I stopped worrying and eventually I stopped wondering or thinking about her.

Saturday night I went to hear Krishna Das in concert. I've needed some major uplifting, what with the turmoil over turning 60. And indeed the music, the chanting, his funny stories were both joyful and medicinal. I've been in a much better frame of mind since the concert.

Early on in the concert, in the midst of a rocking chant about Krishna, people in the audience started jumping up and dancing. I was among them, of course, dancing around in the aisle. Some people decided to move to the back of the room behind the seating where there was a lot more space for interpretive dance.

This woman, the ex almost-very-best friend, was among them.

Of course I saw her immediately; she walked right past me. But she didn't see me, or if she did, she didn't recognize me. I've aged a lot in the last 15 years, after all. She has aged, too, but I remember her vibe. It was definitely her.

After the song she returned to her seat close to the front of the concert hall, passing me again. I have no idea if she figured out I was there and I don't care to be truthful. The fact that we experienced a flyby meeting, especially in the atmosphere of that concert, felt healing to me. It felt like a completion. There was no need for acknowledgment. What in the world would we have said? I saw her, recognized that there is nothing left between us. We are strangers now.

It feels good, a wrapping up of stray bits of my life's history. She is completely out of the saga now. Time really can heal all wounds. Very cool.

Life is good and I am grateful. Shalom.


Meri said...

I went to a wedding yesterday, complete with a harmonium and kirtan, so I know the power of song and chanting. It was amazing. And yes, healing. The last photo shows it well. . . a blaze of light showering down from the universe.

ellen abbott said...

interesting. something similar happened to me some years ago. a woman I thought of as a best friend, known her since college, thought of us as the flip side to the same coin. somewhere along the line I realized that it was always me calling her to get together. one day I called her to arrange going and having lunch, she was one another line, said I'll call you right back. She never called me back. And I never called her again. fast forward, years later, an old boyfriend showed up at my house with a woman in tow. someone I didn't know, who he did't introduce. about 10 minutes in I realized that it was that friend. I didn't even recognize her. Once I realized who she was, then yeah. We exchanged a few emails and then that was it. Like you I understood that there was nothing there.

Reya Mellicker said...

Cool, Meri!

Having absolutely no connection with her any longer frees up some of my energy. it's a good thing.

How cool that you didn't recognize her! Oh man, that is awesome.

Pam said...

Those connections can be uncomfortable. It's good when they no longer have much effect.

Steve Reed said...

Sounds like an interesting show! I had a similar encounter with an ex-best friend and romantic interest several years ago. We attended the same event but didn't speak to each other. I felt kind of sad about it, though. Your approach is healthier!