Tuesday, March 19, 2013
Comings and Goings
There's nothing I love more than an unexpected change of heart/mind. I can get entrenched in my opinions and point of view. I can lead myself to believe my reality is THE reality, unchangeable, immutable, eternal.
But when something happens that opens my mind/heart to a new concept, it reminds me everything changes and nothing is THE truth. There are many truths, many realities. I need to be reminded often of this, apparently. I'm good with that.
The experience Saturday night, the flyby with the ex almost-best-friend, was a revelation. Until Saturday, one of my core beliefs was that, if I had a deep heart connection with another person, it was inviolable, everlasting. I have a strong sense of loyalty - to a fault sometimes, I should say. That value lead me to believe that, once I love someone, the love will persist forever and ever.
Not so! I felt nothing when I saw the ex almost-best-friend. I had no desire to say hello - to what end would I do that? I didn't feel awkward or self conscious. I felt nothing, really - nothing. I wasn't even curious; had no urge to turn around while she was dancing at the back of the room, to watch her or get a read of her energy. We are strangers now - no strings attached, no trace of regret or loss. It's kind of miraculous. I can't remember this ever happening before. I wouldn't mind becoming strangers with others, especially those who treated me as badly as she did during the hideous break-up experience. Do I need to save a place in my heart for those people? I do not.
There are people in my life with whom I share a powerful wavelength. No matter how long it has been since I saw them, we're able to pick up the threads of our friendship immediately. I count within this group people I've met through blogging and on FB, people I've never met and people I've known all my life. That ability to reconnect instantaneously is and always has been magical. I love it.
But today I'm feeling equally grateful to know that once off a wavelength, because of something traumatic like that terrible betrayal, or even in circumstances in which we lose track of one another, it is possible to once again become strangers. The woman I saw Saturday - she and I were friends for a decade. We taught together at witch camp, we talked on the phone every week, sometimes more often than that. (She lived in British Columbia until she fell in love with my ex.) We were close, and now we're strangers.
Life is good and I am grateful - for my dear ones and for those whose stories I no longer share. Onwards and upwards. Shalom.