The Voice in the Shower has been following me around all day. Usually the voice stays in the shower. When I switch off the water and grab a towel, he falls into silence. But not today. I've been hearing two phrases over and over - odd, and interesting. The phrases are, "Where were you?" or "Now - where were you?" The other phrase I keep hearing is, "You have impact."
One very cool thing about having entered early old age is that people listen to me. I've been around the block - sixty times. Sixty. Considering how ageist my society is, I am pleasantly surprised. People seek my company because they think I have some wisdom to share. Kind of hilarious, but - maybe I do. Do I?
It's cool, but also a responsibility. I can't just run my mouth as I used to when I was younger. I have to think - or at least I try to think, before I speak, try being the significant idea. It's a work in progress, like all practices of restraint - at least for me. Age sixty requires restraint but also a letting loose. It's hard to explain.
I just ordered a book about the physiology of speech. It's a complicated affair for sure. The nerve enervation of the vocal chords is greater even than the hands or tongue. And the throat is an intense piece of real estate in the human body. There's a lot going on in and around there. Whew. If crows or dolphins or elephants had organs of speech, you'd better believe they would have plenty to say. It boggles the mind.
Now - where was I?
Where was I, before my freak out over my birthday, before deciding to put a stone on my mother's grave? I try to remember last fall but it feels like a different world, a different dimension. A lot has taken place within and without. I feel transformed.
If the Voice in the Shower is willing to leave the warmth and humidity of the shower, I guess I should pay attention, yes? I think so. Now, where was I?
Junipero Sera, in the Capitol Hall of Statues. Why do they have a statue of him? He was quite awful - I think.
2 comments:
you know, I think getting older is about not exercising restraint. When we are younger we have to practice restraint for so many reasons...child rearing, trying to advance at work, relationships with parents, just being younger and still learning and figuring out how to be an adult. Now I will say and do things that I wouldn't have when I was younger.
Me too, Ellen, but my words have greater impact now than they used to. I feel the urge to weigh my words more carefully. It's interesting.
And much of the restraint is around my energy, body, etc. I used to punish my body, but I seriously can't anymore.
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