This box of chocolates was huge. Too huge. It would not be flattering or romantic to receive one of these.
I go through things, I do. I can be relatively steady and grounded for awhile, but shit happens and when it does, I respond whole heartedly. Sacred drama is a part of the shamanic lifestyle. We dance with the energy at hand, no matter how choppy that energy might be. Energetically, shamans ride the wild surf.
With that in mind, I'm wondering why I was caught so off guard by the imminent arrival of age 60? Everyone said it was a tight spot, but did I listen? I always think I'm the exception, definitely not the rule. I believe I can pre-think my way through experiences, that I can plan and order my responses. But emotion never works that way. In some ways I'm over sure of myself. I wonder why? Hence I get tripped up often.
My birthday is a little over a week away. I know I will see the Sufi acupuncturist, then have lunch with one of my very favorite people. The rest of the day remains unplanned. I know I won't be in Paris and also that I will not be on my couch watching Godard movies on my ipad, as I have been recently. How the evening will unfold is anybody's guess at this point.
I'm getting a grip. I've flopped and shuddered and worried and grieved - all of it completely normal for someone on the verge of early old age. The most intense wave of emotion has passed. My feet are on the ground. I can do this.
I trip on my intensity all the time, I always have. Getting up afterwards, dusting myself off and learning from whatever just happened accrues wisdom. Whatever increment of wisdom I now possess has, every bit of it, comes from powerful emotional response. Is there an easier way to learn? You tell me.
Onwards & upwards. Shalom.
7 comments:
As you said, I think your reactions are completely normal.
As for the chocolates, isn't big the American ideal -- the bigger, the better?! :)
When I saw it, I thought this is the kind of thing lonely young women buy for themselves.
Russel Stovers are seriously low rent chocs.....
sadly predictable
You need high end choc
I keep telling you that 60 is WONDERFUL
and liberating.....
countdown to the big day!
Will you wear the moniker "Dangerous Old Woman" with pride?
Two days and I get to test out E Wix's theory.
You didn't mention the gathering at your favourite bar - still happening?
Never felt this way before about a major birthday - feel it's some kind of cusp, launching pad into I don't know what - hope it is indeed liberating.
They say the milestone effects of an 'O' birthday don't kick in til 4 years after - maybe that's why the Beatles wrote "When I'm 64" - when they wrote it they thought it was old didn't they! Well we have news for them don't we Reya!!! - wonder what Paul feels about the song now, and dear old John didn't even get to experience what we are about to enter.
Interesting these feelings, aren't they.
We do have news for them!
Reya, don`t make such a big deal of it, it really isn`t. I am 64, will be turning 65 this year. Do I feel like it? Actually, I feel like a wise 15-year-old. My emotions are still keen, but my serenity has grown. I like myself better now than ever in my young days. I can share my own thoughts (as I HAVE learned something!) with others, but I can also lean back and let them make their own experiences. I walk around a lot, so I am healthy. And when it`s over, it`s over. Maybe, hopefully, I will have left some traces. You surely will! Now cheer up.
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