Friday, August 3, 2012

Not yet

Have I created a bonfire of all my torches as my animal guide suggested the other day? No I have not. The more I think about torches, the more I realize the bonfire isn't likely to take place until later this fall, maybe not even until winter solstice.

I'm telling you, I have carried a LOT of torches in my time. Still carry quite a few. It feels like this:

You would think I would want to lay them in a fire pit and ignite them ASAP, wouldn't you? If I did, I could run wild and run free. But I resist. Part of that has to do with the dog days of summer - why create internal heat from my torch fire now, when it's hellacious here in the swamp? In addition, I believe deep down I can and will build something very artful with all these old torches. I recognize these are rationalizations, not valid arguments, but hey, apparently I am devoted to internal hoarding of lost loves, ideas whose time has passed, memories now faded and stained. At least for now.

I used to believe I could build something new from what's old and moldy, but maybe not so much since I threw away my mildewed clothing. Something has shifted, yet I hang tight to my torches.

My examination of the vast hoard of moldy torches continues. I could pretend to put them down and burn them, but what's the point of that?

And so I carry on, shlepping these damn heavy torches wherever I go. Sigh. What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger.

I guess!


Linda Sue said...

What kills you does not make you stronger.

Reya Mellicker said...

Yeah. I'll get rid of them at some point, but I'm not ready.

ellen abbott said...

You've started the process though.

Beautiful sky pics.

Pam said...

Here's my recent illumination. The burden of torch carrying is our decision entirely to bear. Since your post certain things have happened. You bought the Statue of Liberty into my consciousness.
I was reminded of it yet again as I watched a special needs nurse at school holding a feeding tube up high as the gastro feed dripped into the student. She had been waiting in the corridor for myself and the rest of the class to arrive at the school library. She just didn't want to set things up to have to shift it again to that particular venue, but had spent a lot of time with her arm raised in the air holding the liquid gastro-feed. Happy to do so I might add. She did look like the Statue of Liberty... so remember Reya, "unless things are set in concrete, you do have the right to put your arm down now and then!" You might need to so that you don't suffer bouts of pins and needles of the soul!

Reya Mellicker said...

Thanks, Ellen. It is in process.

Pam? Well.


How I wish we could sit down with a bottle of wine and talk and talk. How I would love sitting at a table with the 3 of you! Good lord. May it be so.