Saturday, August 8, 2009
My waking life is settling down, taking on an apres-Jake form suited to the rhythms and habits of a person who does not have a dog. In so many ways, life without a pet is so much easier. And it has been long enough now that living without Jake feels "normal" to me (whatever that means.) Life without a dog is fine, though not a whole lot of fun. Interesting to me is the realization that I have become a dog person. I like canine energy close by, even if it means I need to vacuum twice a week, refill the water bowl constantly, and invest heavily in dog snacks. Who knew? My waking life, minus the canine, is a bland topography.
My dream topography, however, is a scary landscape these days. When I go to sleep, I find myself in an ugly, muddy swamp overflowing with nightmares about Jake. There hasn't been a single night in the last week when I haven't dreamed of Jake suffering or lost, paralyzed, frightened, and looking to me for help that I am not able to give. The dreams are truly heartbreaking.
I mean, really! Do I need these dreams? I've prayed, asked my spirit guides, visualized nights of peaceful sleep, all to no avail. Maybe the Sufi acupuncturist can address this hideous dream sequence. Enough is enough!