Friday, August 21, 2009
Too Much of a Good Thing
I thought you were supposed to prune trees in the spring, but they just did a lot of pruning in Lincoln Park. I must be mistaken.
Spaciousness is a good thing in every way I can imagine. I'm talking about having enough personal space, of course, but that's not all. The spacious mind has room for inspiration, revelation. Spaciousness of heart makes possible an easeful flow of love in and out. Spacious breath means your body gets all the oxygen it needs, and can let go of all the carbon dioxide it has no use for.
Having a spacious schedule is also a great thing, a rare thing in DC, let me tell you. People pack their calendars so full they don't have time to blink. I really get the carpe diem, life is short, time enough for rest in the grave concept. And, too, the folks I know have big jobs, families, kids and partners who all need their attention.
Having time on my hands is a crucial aspect of my Plan to Stay Sane. I hate rushing around more than just about anything. Having to hurry up is the major cause of anxiety for me, so I've constructed a life that has lots of wiggle room in all areas (well except financially - it's a tight squeeze there, but worth it, at least to me).
Since Jake died, all the time I spent caring for him, feeding, walking, petting, bathing and worrying (especially during the last year of his life) has been freed up. Since I already had plenty of space built into my life, I'm feeling at loose ends. No way I'm ready to get another dog just yet; I want to explore what it means to not have a dog. To be honest, though, I'm finding that exploration extremely daunting. I had fantasies about being very productive during this time, but mostly I'm sitting around, fretting while twiddling my thumbs.
Too much spaciousness is not great. Too much space is emptiness, hollowness. Too much space, too much time, is a lonely condition, simultaneously sad and boring. As you can tell, I'm not enjoying it. Next week I go to California where I'll be hanging out with great old friends in San Francisco and up at Lake Tahoe (and new friends, too - Nancy of Life in the Second Half).
You can't imagine how much I look forward to a big ole get together with people I love. You can't imagine! No, really you can't. Wow.
The blue sky looks like it has been placed on top of the soft white cloud cover, doesn't it?