Monday, May 21, 2012

Clean Sweep


Yesterday felt like two days to me, partially because I didn't work at all, which is very rare for a Sunday, but also because of the eclipse. I felt this one powerfully, just as I had hoped. The astrologers whose opinions I respect said this eclipse would provide an opportunity to unhinge patterns that were set in place in 1994. Oh. My. God. In 1994 I lost my bearings. Was it too much magic (because I was very involved in the cult at that time)? Was I so desperate to leave my awful marriage that I threw caution to the wind? Was I just plain crazy? Who knows, and actually, who cares? I've been over it all in my mind many times. My behavior was not rational! 1994 was a very dark time for me, a self-destructive, crazy time during which I ruined countless relationships. I was so miserable; I tried to take everyone down with me. God.

The astrologers mentioned that an echo of the old pattern would appear prior to the eclipse. It surely did! I met this echo in a grandiose way, thinking I could enter into it without doing any harm. I thought it was my opportunity for a do-over. I should have seen it right away, as grandiosity was a big part of the problem in 1994. Fortunately I didn't get totally sucked in; it took awhile but clarity arrived just in time. The day I suddenly craved margaritas I knew for sure I was headed towards the dark side. Tequila is VERY bad for me; I might even be allergic. When I drink it, I cry, get needy and paranoid. If I'm in a mood to punish myself, inevitably I'll begin to think a margarita would be a good idea. It's kind of interesting, actually, to have such a clear indication of my state of mind. In 1994 I drank margaritas several times a week, as often as possible. It did not help me work through the crisis of mind/heart I was drowning in.

I had a couple of margaritas one night a few weeks ago, just as I was beginning to get what was going down. As usual I was mean yet clingy. My friends correctly told me to knock it off, after which I cried. Yuck! The next day I felt I had been dessicated. In a battle between Reya and Brother Tequila, the worm always wins!

Dancing in shamanic alignment with the eclipse yesterday, I cleaned the chateau, of course. But that didn't feel like enough, so I removed everything (barbecue grill, gardening stuff) from the small grotto outside my front door and swept, swept, swept away every one of the now disintegrating leftovers of early spring blossoms, pollen, dirt and the detritus from the work my next door neighbor is doing on his house. You should have heard me ohmmmming. The sound of the broom and the sound of my voice worked together, sweeping the grotto clean.

In the darkest corners of the grotto I swept up leaves from last fall, fuzzy bits whose origin I dare not think about, etc. It was somewhat like an archeological excavation. I cleaned the green dust off the mailbox and small barbeque grill, burned sacred white sage. At last I danced and ohmmmed the final remnants of the energy out of the grotto, my heart and mind. That destructive pattern is now out of the saga. I have absolutely no interest in margaritas. All is well.

As lovely is today's rain. The first named storm in the Atlantic basin is sweeping up the coast. At last we will have several days of rain. Thank God for the rain; it has been a terribly dry spring in DC.

The weather gods are washing clean any last bits of the pattern I set in motion in 1994. May the eighteen year cycle beginning today include sanity, solid relationships with clients, neighbors, family and friends. May I see clearly, may my heart be clear, may I dwell in beauty, balance and delight. May it be so!

Shalom.

6 comments:

jeanette from everton terrace said...

May it be so indeed!
'94 was a year of big change for me as well but I never thought about it until now. It was a few months before I met my husband, good year :)
I had a huge garage sale on Saturday, got rid of piles of stuff we had hanging around - guess that was no accident.
I'm ready to "dwell in beauty, balance and delight"

Reya Mellicker said...

Hell yeah!

ellen abbott said...

hmmmm. In 1994 I had my last period, we started learning to do the pate de verre cast glass, and husband finally went to an addiction clinic (I had one foot out the door), got on methadone and got some real serious counseling. it saved our marriage. it took about 4 years but he got off the methadone too and hasn't relapsed since.

Reya Mellicker said...

That's a great story!

Steve Reed said...

In 1994 I came back to the states from my two years in Morocco. I remember it as a good year, but who knows! I didn't feel many effects of the eclipse, perhaps because I'm on the other side of the planet from where it was most visible. (If I understand the astronomy correctly.)

Pauline said...

perfect photos to illustrate your point - and may it be so for you Reya.