Tuesday, September 28, 2010
To thine own self, be true.
For such a long time, I tried to be cool. God, I tried SO hard. In high school (so I've been told) I walked around all aloof, acting like I knew secrets no one else was privvy to. For heaven's sake. On the inside during high school I was simply a miserable mess, but apparently good at bluffing. Hmmm.
During early adulthood, I taught myself to drink espresso (can you imagine how bad "espresso" was during the early 1970's in Kansas City? Ewww.) I ate raw oysters (hate them - but cool people eat them, so ...) I tried to stay up all night, smoke cigarettes, etc. I learned how to drink hard and act cynical even though in my heart of hearts I am always hopeful and optimistic. You could even call the real me sweet.
I tried NOT to be sweet. I practiced being non-chalant about sex and love (ha! so not me), I did all kinds of drugs, though in hindsight I see that in that particular endeavor, I was looking more for anesthesia than cool. I wore black clothing, extreme make-up, dyed my hair every color you can imagine, sometimes all at the same time.
Finally, during my 30's, when I married my ex-husband, I gave up the good fight. He actually IS cool - stays up all night, smokes cigs, eats raw oysters, watches the most esoteric films you can imagine, reads all the cool books, plays saxophone, and can even call people "cats" without sounding stupid.
My essence is fiery, passionate and impatient in most things (working on that last one). I'm an unashamed enthusiast about the things and people I love. I like to read nerdly books about geology, history, physics and such. I love to watch NCIS. I cry at dumb Hugh Grant movies. Might as well admit it: I am SO not cool.
This morning as I was practicing the bass, I realized I might be the only totally NOT cool bass player in the world. Ah well, such is life.