After the fall

One of the things the shaman said to me on Saturday, almost as soon as we met, was, Well. You had no choice but to be a healer.

No choice, eh? That's interesting.

OK. If you can't beat 'em, join 'em. I guess!

Since he landed, I've been sending Reiki to Commander Hadfield around the clock, almost. Being up on the space station for such a long time, while a lot of work, was a bender to end all benders. He LOVED being weightless and became higher and more out there the longer he was on board. I've watched all his videos now. The ones he made early on are very different in flavor from those he made during his last month on board. By the time he recorded Space Oddity he was three sheets to the solar wind. He was high on so many levels.

The return to earth was hard. The Soyuz capsule is horrible! He said the "landing" felt like being in a car crash - exactly what they expected. Prior to the crash, he and the other two astronauts spent three horrible hours jammed into that tiny capsule, enduring maximum G force after being weightless for months. In what reality is it OK to bring humans back to earth that way? Oh I miss the space shuttle!

Commander Hadfield is an astronaut, so he'll be as upbeat as possible. That is how they roll, those guys, but he must surely be depressed, struggling as he is to regain balance, breath and the ability to maneuver on land.

I'm sending him Reiki and sending a prayer that he will take some time away from the endless PT and medical tests to sit outside, gaze at the sky and breathe, remember, let the energy settle. If he had a good cry, that would be excellent for his health. Hangovers of all kinds are awful. I really feel for him.

Choice or no choice about my role as healer, I've tried but seem unable to send Reiki to Angelina Jolie. This morning I was thinking about lovingkindness meditation, how we were instructed not to force it. If it's a struggle to send lovingkindness to an individual or group of individuals, we're supposed to shift the focus to someone else.

I'm so sad for Angelina. This morning it came to me that she will age very quickly now, especially if she has her ovaries removed. She was such an exotic flower, an unfolding beauty that was almost not of this earth. Now she will fade and shrivel. I'm not cursing her, it's what I "saw" as I was allegedly meditating. My heart goes out to her.

In many ways, her situation and that of Commander Hadfield are parallel - two people who flew higher than most of us ever will, and are now back on earth, trying to recalibrate and move forward. It's easy to send Reiki to the Commander, but every effort to send it to Angelina is like slogging through a vat of Jello. It's exhausting. Finally I decided not to even try.

I want to be universally compassionate, since I have no choice but to be a healer, or so the shaman said. But I'm not universally compassionate. I'm really not.