Friday, December 7, 2012

Romancing the stone

On the grounds of the Botanical Gardens yesterday. Wow.

If you could look inside my head and heart right now, your eyes would roll around or maybe you would go cross-eyed. There's so much going on, I'm in awe. All of it, everything, the intricate dreams I'm having, the planning in my head, the upwelling of emotion in my heart - all in preparation for the trip next week - is complicated, rich, many layered and indescribable.

That's why my posts here have been long and convoluted lately. Preparing to unveil my mother's gravestone is strenuous in mind, heart and body too. I'm sleeping more deeply than under normal circumstances, waking up unclear about what is the dream, what is the "reality." I'm having dream-like experiences in waking life, such as spotting the hawk yesterday. My prayers have never been more sincere and meditation has never been as crucial.

Everything I do is luminous, numinous and heartfelt right now. I feel almost translucent. Even making a salad or vacuuming, even my walks around the Hill (always a splendid experience) feel infused by an extra je ne sais quoi. Wow. Or should I say whoa?

I choose to say wow. I've been through numerous initiations. The unveiling is definitely an initiation of some kind, a big one. The Sufi acupuncturist told me this week to let the experience change me as it will. He pointed out I'm not in charge; I'm a participant in this ritual. I'm to participate with openness, always my hardest thing. But I'm going to give it my best shot.

I am smiling. Shalom.

1 comment:

Steve Reed said...

I don't doubt that this entire experience will leave you feeling a bit vulnerable. I can't wait to hear how it goes!