Sunday, December 30, 2012
Past Present Future
In this form, we are bound by time. There is absolutely no way around it. We measure time very carefully which gives us a false sense of control. By measuring time, we tell ourselves it flows in an orderly fashion, but time speeds up and slows down in ways that even an atomic clock can not accurately record. C'mon. You know I'm right - right? Oy.
This morning I've been looking at depictions of Old Father Time, leaning on his scythe, looking mighty bedraggled next to the baby new year who is as cute and perky as can be, of course. Every image I saw in my google search was compelling. There is some kind of essential truth in those images, even the silly cartoons. Yeah. Tomorrow night the old guy will give it up, make way for the brand new year, as it should be!
Just as compelling (to me) are depictions of Kali, the Hindu deity who is often called the goddess of destruction. Her name means time. Time is the destroyer, after all, at least in this form it is. There is something so cleansing about Kali's furiousness. She does not sport the calm face, not ever. She is mad as hell and is not going to take it anymore.
I would likely be thinking about time anyway, since New Year's Eve is tomorrow, but this year my fixations with beginnings and endings are particularly intense since I will turn sixty in a few weeks. I should be taking it all in stride since I'm healthy and functional and - more than that - I'm happy with life at the present moment, so very happy. I've been an old lady all my life, just waiting to grow into myself. So I should be just fine with the big birthday looming, right? Right!
Should is a funny word, hey?
Last night a friend who is a great strategic thinker was trying to help me figure out how to celebrate sixty. He knows I hate parties, so throwing a party for myself was off the table before we even began to brainstorm the possibilities. I mentioned it after which he gave me a funny look. He is an extreme extravert. He said, "Throwing parties is stressful - even for me! What are you thinking?" The idea of a party went directly into recycling.
A gathering at the Matchbox Bar? That's a reasonable possibility. My birthday falls on a Wednesday so it shouldn't be too busy early in the evening. I also considered going to New York as I did when I turned fifty.
Turning sixty should be special in some way. I really hope I don't decide to stay in and watch movies on my ipad. How sad would that be? While I'm deciding, I find myself looking at images of Father Time and Kali, also checking airfares to Paris and back. It's a nice fantasy, but turning sixty in Paris alone? Why am I even considering it? You tell me!
Well, whatever. I'll figure it out or I won't. But no matter how many images of Kali and Father Time I stare at, whether I go to Paris or New York or the Matchbox bar, no matter what I do or don't do, on February 13th I will be sixty. Yep, I surely will.
Happy almost new year's. Onwards and upwards. Shalom.