Tuesday, June 11, 2013

Let there be light

Brother Sun spends a lot of time in the sky at this time of year. Because he is so far south at midday, even the ambient light inside my north facing apartment is significantly brighter than in winter. The days are much longer and everything is filled with light. Let there be light, indeed!

Once upon a time I was not fond of the solstices. In winter it was too dark, in summer, too light. I railed against the extremes as I struggled to get a grip on my own extreme nature. You see I've been pursuing the Tao of Goldilocks for many years. Many, many years.

Yesterday a friend said there is love in discipline. Is that right? I think it is, depending on the discipline of course. Jake used to love training sessions. Following commands was one of his favorite things. It made sense to him, helped him be slightly calmer. We never did anything elaborate, just the usual sit, down, stay. I was lazy about it, though, especially as he grew older. In fact I'm lazy in my practice of many disciplines that would do me a world of good. It's not like I have a solid grip on impulse control in general.

But I have not been lazy about the discipline of mindfulness meditation. I sit every day - every day. Sometimes when traveling I'll skip a day, but I get right back to it. I'm almost superstitious about it. Is there a love for the practice in my heart of hearts? I'm thinking about it.

One thing I can say for sure is that the solstices don't bother me as much as they used to. I'm enjoying the bright solstice days. I'm marveling at the tiny shadows of things at noon, how compressed every shadow becomes. I'm enjoying the afternoon light that comes through a kitchen window only at this time of year. At summer solstice, Brother Sun enters the kitchen, catches the crystals hanging in the window, fills the kitchen with rainbows. It only happens at this time of year.

My working theory is that I am more tolerant of the solstices because I'm closer to living the Tao of Goldilocks than I once was. These days I leave it mostly to Brother Sun to enact the extremes. I feel liberated from the need to push hard, first this way, then that. Hence I'm able to enjoy the splendor of the solstices.

Whether or not I love it, I am grateful for my meditation practice and whatever the hell it is that compels me to set the timer and sit down every morning. I am wisely guided.

We've had a lot of rain lately. My rose begonias are so happy.


ellen abbott said...

I have a lot of self discipline in some ways. In my work. I think. Or maybe self discipline isn't necessary in my work. What I don't have, what I am lazy about, is self discipline towards a daily yoga practice. I love to do yoga but can only seem to commit if there is a class. I also have a tough time getting to the gym on any kind of regular schedule and I love being there once I manage to get my butt through the door. But meditation? really, it's not even on my radar.

The Bug said...

In my fantasy where we win the lottery I always reach a point where I realize that I'd have to get a part-time job just to bring some sort of order to my life. Perhaps, given endless idle days, I would be able to bring that order about myself, but I'm skeptical.

Reya Mellicker said...

I don't think you need it, Ellen.

Bug I think it's high time you had a midlife crisis, change the way you work. You can do it!

Steve Reed said...

Those begonias are beautiful! :)