Clean Sweep

Yesterday felt like two days to me, partially because I didn't work at all, which is very rare for a Sunday, but also because of the eclipse. I felt this one powerfully, just as I had hoped. The astrologers whose opinions I respect said this eclipse would provide an opportunity to unhinge patterns that were set in place in 1994. Oh. My. God. In 1994 I lost my bearings. Was it too much magic (because I was very involved in the cult at that time)? Was I so desperate to leave my awful marriage that I threw caution to the wind? Was I just plain crazy? Who knows, and actually, who cares? I've been over it all in my mind many times. My behavior was not rational! 1994 was a very dark time for me, a self-destructive, crazy time during which I ruined countless relationships. I was so miserable; I tried to take everyone down with me. God.

The astrologers mentioned that an echo of the old pattern would appear prior to the eclipse. It surely did! I met this echo in a grandiose way, thinking I could enter into it without doing any harm. I thought it was my opportunity for a do-over. I should have seen it right away, as grandiosity was a big part of the problem in 1994. Fortunately I didn't get totally sucked in; it took awhile but clarity arrived just in time. The day I suddenly craved margaritas I knew for sure I was headed towards the dark side. Tequila is VERY bad for me; I might even be allergic. When I drink it, I cry, get needy and paranoid. If I'm in a mood to punish myself, inevitably I'll begin to think a margarita would be a good idea. It's kind of interesting, actually, to have such a clear indication of my state of mind. In 1994 I drank margaritas several times a week, as often as possible. It did not help me work through the crisis of mind/heart I was drowning in.

I had a couple of margaritas one night a few weeks ago, just as I was beginning to get what was going down. As usual I was mean yet clingy. My friends correctly told me to knock it off, after which I cried. Yuck! The next day I felt I had been dessicated. In a battle between Reya and Brother Tequila, the worm always wins!

Dancing in shamanic alignment with the eclipse yesterday, I cleaned the chateau, of course. But that didn't feel like enough, so I removed everything (barbecue grill, gardening stuff) from the small grotto outside my front door and swept, swept, swept away every one of the now disintegrating leftovers of early spring blossoms, pollen, dirt and the detritus from the work my next door neighbor is doing on his house. You should have heard me ohmmmming. The sound of the broom and the sound of my voice worked together, sweeping the grotto clean.

In the darkest corners of the grotto I swept up leaves from last fall, fuzzy bits whose origin I dare not think about, etc. It was somewhat like an archeological excavation. I cleaned the green dust off the mailbox and small barbeque grill, burned sacred white sage. At last I danced and ohmmmed the final remnants of the energy out of the grotto, my heart and mind. That destructive pattern is now out of the saga. I have absolutely no interest in margaritas. All is well.

As lovely is today's rain. The first named storm in the Atlantic basin is sweeping up the coast. At last we will have several days of rain. Thank God for the rain; it has been a terribly dry spring in DC.

The weather gods are washing clean any last bits of the pattern I set in motion in 1994. May the eighteen year cycle beginning today include sanity, solid relationships with clients, neighbors, family and friends. May I see clearly, may my heart be clear, may I dwell in beauty, balance and delight. May it be so!

Shalom.