Friday, June 11, 2010

Mama said there'd be days like this.

Like every other member of my species, I am a storyteller. My mind is at all times narrating the events of life, trying to explain why I feel a certain way, for instance, or what I'm experiencing. Though intensely creative by their very nature, these stories are nothing more than that, just stories. We need stories, we do have to navigate through the complexities and the paradoxes of life after all, though it's important not to swallow the stories hook, line and sinker.

This is the very reason I meditate every morning. Meditation allows me the opportunity to unhinge from my stories, to detach, temporarily, from the big ole structures my mind has created. It clears the decks, takes me back to the drawing board where I can begin to build my version of the world in story all over again.

Lord knows, I tried to meditate this morning. I sat where I always sit when I meditate. Forty minutes went by according to the clock in my room. Ah but I did not find one second of peace. My head was full of words words words, stories, self recrimination and self blame and for heaven's sake, what was that all about? How is it possible to wag a finger at yourself? Makes my wrist hurt to even imagine it. When I woke up I felt dreamy and soft and happy. What happened in between then and meditation time? Huh?

Right now my head is beginning to construct a story about why everything went downhill so fast. Whoa. I say: WHOA there Nelly (speaking to my head). Some days are not made for peace, so what? I'll try again tomorrow, and maybe by then I'll find a second or two of quiet on the meditation cushion. You think? Hope so.

A peaceful Friday to all!


Barbara said...

I've become content with just labeling my thoughts and shoving them aside, finally realizing a still mind is virtually an impossibility for me as I try to meditate.

Jinksy said...

Do you think music might help? Then you could follow the notes instead of your thoughts, perhaps?

Tess Kincaid said...

Devil moon. That's all I have to say.

Reya Mellicker said...

Willow ha ha!! Words of wisdom, always.

Jinxy I'm usually kind of like Barbara, noting the thoughts as they float by like so many clouds. Today was a struggle. But it's all over now and tomorrow I have another opportunity. Oh yeah.

ellen abbott said...

self-recrimination...I had a hard time with that for a lot of my life til a friend did a past life regression on me. It sort of explained things for me and gave me some peace.

Reya Mellicker said...

Usually these days I can just laugh at myself, but sometimes I get so wound up. For heaven's sake.

Dan Gurney said...

A meditation on stories. A story about meditation.

New moon today, yes?

If it's not paradoxical, it's not true.

Rick said...

Sending you a song... and hoping that it helps.

Reya Mellicker said...

Dan I totally agree, paradox IS truth. And yeah, new moon - many planets in Gemini, hence the words words words words. Sheesh.

C.M. Jackson said...

yes there will those days--here's hoping you have a peaceful weekend as well

jeanette from everton terrace said...

If you discover a trick for turning those thoughts off for a few minutes - please share. I have tried to meditate. Sometimes I fall asleep.

Ronda Laveen said...

Your Judge was strong today. Maybe she needed to feel she was heard. And that new moon is supposed to be very powerful. As in, becareful what you wish for. Tomorrow will be better.

steven said...

i love the view from a hill. there's a sort of wholeness about it. climbing up is hard work, lots of stops on the way and questions about why i'm bothering and then of course there's the mad rush down the other side. but the view at the top - well hey that's peace. pure and simple. i think there's days that are like some part of that process reya. they are some part of the detail work of living and unpacking all the stuff or writing the stories that haven't even happened yet. that's what i think! steven

Memory Echoes said...

I send you love, Reya. Love.

Barry said...

I've discovered that pain killers are also mindfullness killers as well.

A change i my meds recently has given me hope that I might be able to get back to meditation soon and knowing my own mind once again.

I wonder what its been up to while I've been away?

Reya Mellicker said...

Barry I'm certain it has been up to no good.

steven, thank you. I learn from you every single day. Wow.

Ronda, yes, her royal judgefulness was really in a mood! Oh my.

Everton, it's not like I can ever turn it off, but sometimes I coast for awhile, like on a bicycle when you've been peddling, peddling, then you just stop and the breeze blows and your mind just cruises for a minute.

I'm no expert on the subject, clearly.

Kerry said...

Do you like this poem by Hafiz?

A Strange Feather

the craziness,
All the empty plots,
All the ghosts and fears,

All the grudges and sorrows have

I must have inhaled
A strange

That finally



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Mrsupole said...

My hydrangeas are starting to come into bloom and by next month should be doing really good. Just beautiful pictues of the rose and hydrangeas you have there.

I do what you were doing but I do it when I am trying to sleep and I do it almost every day. I try not to and it just seems like I cannot stop. So I have taken to trying to get up and write down those thoughts so I can send them on their merry way. Not sure if you could do that while meditating but possibly you could. You are lucky you only do it every so often.

God bless.

Steve Reed said...

Meditation doesn't always bring peace, that's for sure. Sometimes all I can do is watch thoughts go by, like a rushing river. The challenge for me is to not cling to them, not get caught in a whirlpool of thought and analysis and self-recrimination. To just let them all go by.

One of my teachers once told me that my mind would never be still. That shattered my ideal of the "still mind" during meditation. The fact is, our minds are clicking away all the time. We just need to see that our thoughts are not always consequential, and let them come and go as they please. That's where the peace resides.