Intelligent Design

"Squirrel cam" is a term someone on Facebook came up with to describe the pics I take by placing the camera on or near the ground. Love that. Squirrel cam. Yeah.

I believe in the theory of evolution, definitely, oh yes I surely do! Fundamentalism of any type makes no sense to me, in particular (for the purposes of this post) a literal belief in contemporary translations of the Judeo-Christian bible. It kind of pisses me off that the term "Intelligent Design" was co-opted by fundamentalists, because it's such a cool phrase. It describes the beautiful way that everything is interconnected, and how life unfolds cinematically, mythically, almost never predictably. Goodness (as Steven would say), wisdom, insight and happiness are always available, even when we can't access these things.

My spirit guides are correct when they say I'm lucky to know my soul's purpose in this lifetime. Knowing that I am a healer (a lot of other things, too, but healer first and foremost) helps me connect the dots when I reflect upon the storyline of my life so far. I see how my purpose has unfolded - so intelligently! Even as a child I had the talent. As a little girl my mother said I knew when she didn't feel well. I would look concerned, place my hand on her forehead when she had a headache for instance. This talent of mine kind of creeped her out, I should say. But talent is never enough; it must be developed.

Like any shaman, I was miserable as a child and young adult. We are such perfect beings, we humans, that we need to get banged up a bit in order to perceive the subtle energies, or so they say in every story about shamanism I've ever seen. During my 30's and 40's I spent much of my time healing from all that childhood awfulness. Ten years of psychotherapy, plus all kinds of "alternative" healing, helped me close the wounds. Then I was guided to train as a witch - something that was so of the moment during the heyday of wicca in the 80's and 90's. The studying I did during those years was empowering. I developed some serious chops during that time, gathered many tools of the art. I also became a bodyworker during those years, hence was able to begin practicing healing.

Beginning to learn how to heal with plants and herbs is an intelligent next step in the trajectory of my soul's purpose, a logical refinement of the work I already do. I was not ready to take it on earlier in life. But - did I know all of this consciously? Of course not!

My personal evolution is guided by an intelligence far higher and wiser than anything of which I am consciously aware. Oh yeah. Some days, like today, I am utterly in awe - also very grateful that there is a guiding wisdom and intelligence, because if I were in charge of the world, or even completely in charge of my own life - holy cow - what a boring mess it would all be.

Yes? I say yes. Happy Tuesday. Shalom.

Le Chic*

Here's a picture of me, taken by my friend, while I was panicked.

Do I look like I'm freaking out? On the inside I was so afraid. Information coming from out of the nowhere, a rush of insights and "memories" (from past lives), details about folk herbal medicine from long ago and far away, was overwhelming me at the moment my friend took the picture. Yes I'm a shaman and yes these things happen to me, but shamanic experiences frighten me - they do. They are powerful, overwhelming. I always wonder Is today the day I truly go off the deep end?

We'd just been to the Folger Library's exhibit on women and medicine during the 17th and 18th centuries. Encountering the images and books in the exhibit sent me into a shamanic tailspin of soul recovery from another time and place. I knew those images, I knew those books. Gazing at them made my hands start buzzing. I'm not making this up, because when I went to each of the triumvirate of earth (with whom I was seeing the exhibit), they all said my hands were on fire, energetically speaking.

Here's the thing. Usually when I have some kind of shamanic experience, I'm alone. I assume, based on the turmoil I experience internally, that from the outside looking in, I appear crazed, wild eyed, even dangerous - or - at least frightened. One of the most amazing gifts I received last week was a chance to see what I look like when I'm in the midst of shamanic drama. I'm sitting there, right? Gazing, perhaps lost in thought or maybe meditating. You would never guess, looking at that picture, that I was completely blown away in that moment, yes? I don't see it, nor do I see ecstacy in the banner pic, taken while I was dancing shamanically with the cherries at the Tidal Basin. I look like I'm doing tai chi or something. I look centered, grounded. On the inside I was swinging from the chandeliers, ecstatic beyond belief.

Since I was a little girl I've had a vision of myself in older age with long gray hair, drying herbs in my kitchen. It has come up for me thousands of times over the years. When I saw the books at the Folger, put those memories together with the fact that I'm about to embark on growing herbs in the front yard of the chateau this summer, and considering all the gray hair I've got going on, I realized I'm becoming my image. I'm engaging with my vision in earnest now.

But that's not the point of this rather rambling post. The point is, my friends showed me how graceful I look when I'm flopping around in shamanic states. Wow. What a revelation. No wonder people think I'm grounded. Ha. If only they knew. Maybe I should learn to play poker. Ya think?

All I can say is: wow.


After dinner at the Argo with the Triumvirate of Earth.

If you dare, click this link. The song will run loops through your head for the rest of the day, though.

rhythms

My houseguests have departed, the chateau is quiet (and clean since I launched into a world-class cleaning frenzy last night after work. There were plastic bags to recycle, bedding to fold and put away. I swept and washed, brought the chateau back to it's usual orderliness. Oh yeah!)

This morning I am returning to my regularly scheduled program of working, walking around, taking pictures, hanging out far too often on Facebook and such. I do love my life's rhythms. That said, it was so much fun sharing those rhythms with my guests that I'm feeling a bit of a vacuum in the aftermath of their visit.

Hmmmmm.

There was a long period of time during which I was rather feral, when I preferred my relationship with the weather, trees and sky to fellowship with humans. Except for when I was working, I spent almost all my time alone.

Something changed somewhere along the way. I can't put my finger on when it happened exactly, though I'm guessing the shift back to the human community followed my emergence from the spiritual cults I was part of when I was a witch.

I remember a time when I thought of myself as the weird old shaman who lives in a hut outside of town, keeps to herself. I talked to ghosts, the trees, weather and the sky, but not so much with other people. Now I'm the weird shaman who lives in the center of the village, hosts dinner parties, meets friends for drinks, and invites her beloveds to come visit.

Some rhythmic changes are abrupt; some shift slowly over time. I am happy - and grateful - to have re-joined the rhythms of the family of mankind. All those years of living with the wolves (as it were)? What the hell was I thinking?

Happy Sunday, y'all. Shalom.

Val, YES I will write about the download - yes yes. I promise.

Heart Connections

We homo sapiens are social animals, we are. I believe that it's part of the survival instinct to band together with others. Yep, it's quintescentially human to identify strongly with family, clan, kin, brotherhoods, sisterships. It's who we have always been. The instinct to gather and identify as family is deep within us.

Gathering with clan is a good thing, even for me, the introvert of introverts. When I'm with my people, I feel safe. I'm happy, I don't obsess. I laugh, sleep soundly. I actually RELAX. Yeah, it's a good thing.

Because I'm an introvert, it's also a happy moment when I find myself without company, nestled into the peace and quiet of the chateau. This is where I find myself this morning just after the departure of my last houseguest. I'm going to work in a little while but tonight I will NOT be at the Matchbox bar or drinking chocolate martinis at Zest, or having fish tacos at the Argo. Tonight I will begin to integrate the many gifts that were the result of proximity with a couple of my gypsy sisters. I am rich in revelations, insights, and realizations.

Feeling tremendous gratitude for the beautiful mojo that arises when I gather with clan, equally grateful that I'll now have some space to sit with all that went down. All I can say is: WOW

It was a great week. Shabat Shalom.


Susan of the blog The Pollinatrix calls this "the Clan of the Bespectacled."

The Gift of Sistership

When I'm around other people all the time, my posts are much more narrative than philosophical. Hmmm. Not as interesting, right?

The days when big things happen often come about unplanned. Just before my guests arrived, I promised myself I would set aside all projects in order to have fun. Well. Yesterday, in the presence of a my guests: a Capricorn and a Virgo, and a dear friend who is a Taurus, (the triumvirate of earth) I received a rather overwhelming download of information, a soul retrieval, a major gift of earthy wisdom.

I'm so used to pretending I'm normal that I managed to carry on as if nothing had happened, at least for a little while. Within a half hour, swirling around in the energy of my shamanic experience, I found I was no longer able to be relational. It happens.

The triumvirate was so gracious, recognizing and respecting my experience. They were totally cool with me going home to try to integrate some of what had happened while they explored the American Indian Museum. Whew. These people are the best friends ever, I am serious.

Here's the cool thing. One of my friends took a pic (unbenownst to me) while I was so heavily spinning in the download that I literally could not even stand up. Wait till you see the pic (she will send me a copy when she gets back to St. Louis). I look like I'm sitting calmly, perhaps meditating. You would never know I was having a Major Experience.

Everything about these three days with my friends is a revelation. I am so blessed! Wow.

Splendor Among the Cherries

A friend of mine calls it "mojo" - the way in which a certain energy swirls around a group of ten of us, creating magic every time we come together. It doesn't have to be all of us together to make mojo - even a confluence of two or three, such as what I am now experiencing - makes magic.

Yesterday was a splendid day during which the weather gods smiled on us as walked around. We danced among the cherries around the Tidal Basin where there were NOT too many people, even though the cherries were fully popped. "Frothy" is the adjective one of my gypsy sisters used to describe the trees.

After the glorious walk we invoked the Goddess of Princess Parking (also introduced by one of my sisters) in order to find three seats at the Matchbox bar. Our first round was bought for us (unbeknownst to us) by two of our far-flung gypsy sisters who somehow knew we would be there.

Gypsy mojo is a real thing. I believe in it! L'chaim.

All Roads Lead to the Chateau

Does everything happen for a reason? I'm just wondering this morning because one of my houseguests broke her tooth last night. She's still coming - she's probably at the airport or on her way right now. It's possible - likely, actually - that she will be sitting in the dentist's chair upstairs at the chateau tomorrow or Thursday. I hope I can get her in to see my friend, client, dentist and upstairs neighbor Larry, who is the most awesome dentist ever, also tall, dark and handsome, smart, generous and wonderful.

I wanted my visitors to meet Larry and his wife Susan (who is a whole bunch of wonderful also) but given how quick the Cherry Amour visit will be, and the busy busy lives of Larry and Susan, I couldn't quite figure out how to get them all together - funny - since Larry and Susan work and live upstairs. It is not a matter of the logistics of space, but rather the logistics of time.

But apparently my houseguest is meant to meet at least Larry and his wonderful staff of workers upstairs. Otherwise, why would she break a tooth, on a piece of pizza, the night before her arrival here at the chateau?

I don't believe in a rational universe in general. I think reason has its place, but can not account for most of what goes down. I "see" patterns, I can connect the dots no matter what the occasion, but am never totally convinced that those connections are logical or rational.

This, though - well, wow. I'm sorry my dear one broke her tooth, but if you're going to break a tooth right before a journey, the bes possible scenario is to be travelling here to see me.

You can't make this stuff up!